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Has TV destroyed communication?

Has TV destroyed communication? kYJnN
In our daily life everybody knows Television is very developed. Nowadays there are lots of chanels of television. Some of the channels are independent and others are pay TVs. In my opinion TV has destroyed communication. I explain my opinion with following reasons. Firstly watching TV wastes our leisure time and we can't spend our time with our friends and family. In fact the television provides us with a variety of shows, which can easily catch our eyes. Many people will admit that the glamour of TV is irresistible. Secondly the people who spend much time with TV are losing their time to socialization with others. If these happen for a long time the people will be became passive and have lack of health. They will easily get sick because they seldom do body exercise. Another reason is people with this habit usually have to take sunglasses from an early age. Because the screen radiation is not good for eyes. Coming from this we can't agree to let people spend much time on this technology. In my mind If all the factors are contemplated we can easily reach a conclusion that television has destroyed our communication with our friends and family and is not as effective as we might expect. Let us up tonights soap opera and pay a visit to our old friends instead.
In our daily life everybody knows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
developed. Nowadays there are lots of
Possible spelling mistake found.
chanels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
channels are independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
are pay TVs. In my opinion TV has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
communication. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my opinion with following reasons.
Firstly
watching TV wastes our leisure
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
we can't spend our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our friends and family. In fact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides us with a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, which can
easily
catch our eyes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will admit that the glamour of TV is irresistible.
Secondly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with TV are losing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to socialization with others. If these happen for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "become".
became
passive and have lack of health. They will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they seldom do body exercise. Another reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with this habit
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take sunglasses from an early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the screen radiation is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for eyes. Coming from this we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on this technology. In my mind If all the factors
are contemplated
we can
easily
reach a conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
our communication with our friends and family and is not as effective as we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us up
Possible spelling mistake found.
tonights
soap opera and pay a visit to our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends
instead
.
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IELTS essay Has TV destroyed communication?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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