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Has the easier food preparation process nowadays improved the way people live?

Presently it is becoming easier and easier for people to gain weight. This essay describes the results of fatness and what problems arise through plump ness. I think the major reason for obesity is that people don’t eat right. Today, people eat more unhealthy foods, such as fast food and cholesterol-rich foods. People activity less, that is, they walk tinier, in extension to unhealthy eating. Community use cars wherever they want, which means less movement, resulting in heaviness. People prefer to watch TV instead of walking down the street after dinner, which of course leads to and accelerates obesity. For example, scientists have proven that eating while watching TV accelerates plumpness, and makes a person obese, which means that a person eats a lot of food without knowing that he is full as a result of watching TV. Obesity inevitably worsens a person’s physical condition and health. First and foremost, obesity makes a person’s body awful. As a result of obesity, a person’s mobility is restricted and causes numerous diseases. Obesity, of course, increases the amount of fat in the body, which in turn fills the blood vessels with fat and slows down the blood circulation in the human body, resulting in various headaches and heart disease. For example, one of my classmates was very full, as a result, he couldn’t move actively and couldn’t play football actively with us because couldn’t run fast, and he got tired quickly. In short, obesity harms man in every way. Heaviness is mainly caused by poor nutrition and too late eating. Obesity lowers a person's work efficiency.
Presently
it is becoming easier and easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain weight. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
of fatness and what problems arise through plump
Possible spelling mistake found.
ness
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the major reason for obesity is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t eat right.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat more unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and cholesterol-rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
activity less,
that is
, they walk tinier, in extension to unhealthy eating. Community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars wherever they want, which means less movement, resulting in heaviness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
instead
of walking down the street after dinner, which
of course
leads to and accelerates obesity.
For example
, scientists have proven that eating while watching TV accelerates plumpness, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
obese, which means that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
eats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
without knowing that he is full as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of watching TV.

Obesity
inevitably
worsens a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
physical condition and health.
First
and foremost, obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
body awful. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of obesity, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
mobility
is restricted
and causes numerous diseases. Obesity,
of course
, increases the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in the body, which in turn fills the blood vessels with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and slows down the blood circulation in the human body, resulting in various headaches and heart disease.
For example
, one of my classmates was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
full, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, he couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
actively
and couldn’t play football
actively
with us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
couldn’t run
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
tired
quickly
.

In short, obesity harms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in every way. Heaviness is
mainly
caused by poor nutrition and too late eating. Obesity lowers a person's work efficiency.
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IELTS essay Has the easier food preparation process nowadays improved the way people live?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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