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Has technology given us more leisure time than before?

Has technology given us more leisure time than before? 6lWV8
It is a hotly debated topic whether technology has given us more leisure time than before. Some claim that modern inventions have both assisted and worsened humans’ life in many ways; however, to my way of thinking, many individuals have wasted their free time when using modern devices. It is irrefutable that modern devices and applications are crucially vital in our everyday lives. It should be first noted that numerous machines have replaced humans in manual jobs in the workplace. For instance, car producers often apply robots to produce cars, which requires less time and effort. In addition, housewives can utilize modern gadgets for their everyday work and spend more time with their families instead. Besides, convenience is provided if an individual has a computer connected to the internet and a mouse. To illustrate, a businessman could have a conference online instead of a face-to-face meeting, and by that, he does not have to drive to work. It is understandable that sometimes people are over-reliant on technology. Many employees decide to spend all day working in front of a computer to save more money, and many people choose to adapt to the new lifestyle and hardly ever go outside. Some teenagers rather spend time indoors instead of outdoors. Playing too many computer games and using too much social media could develop into addictions, in which many teenagers do not even know they were addicted. Furthermore, people who rely on technological devices too much are at higher risk of health problems. Numerous people may believe that being capable of attending conferences and shopping online may save us time from driving from place to place. However, it is undeniable that the spare time is very little, and even though we can do shopping online, we still have to wait for the shipping to be delivered. To conclude, modern inventions have both pros and cons. Present-day devices and appliances may provide many individuals with convenience and spare time; however, many others are becoming addicted to technologies and contracting health problems. It is highly recommended for governments to spend more money on education and sports facilities to uplift one’s physical well-being and knowledge.
It is a
hotly
debated topic whether technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
inventions have both assisted and worsened humans’ life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways;
however
, to my way of thinking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have wasted their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
devices.

It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
devices and applications are
crucially
vital in our everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It should be
first
noted that numerous machines have replaced humans in manual jobs in the workplace.
For instance
, car producers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
apply robots to produce cars, which requires less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort.
In addition
, housewives can utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
gadgets for their everyday work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families
instead
.
Besides
, convenience
is provided
if an individual has a computer connected to the internet and a mouse. To illustrate, a businessman could have a conference online
instead
of a face-to-face meeting, and by that, he does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive to work.

It is understandable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are over-reliant on technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
employees decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all day working in front of a computer to save more money, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to adapt to the new lifestyle and hardly ever go outside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors
instead
of outdoors. Playing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer games and using too much social media could develop into addictions, in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not even
Did you mean "now"?
know
they
were addicted
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on technological devices too much are at higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health problems. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may believe that being capable of attending conferences and shopping online may save us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from driving from place to place.
However
, it is undeniable that the spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
, and
even though
we can
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
online, we
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for the shipping to
be delivered
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
inventions have both pros and cons. Present-day devices and appliances may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals with convenience and spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are becoming addicted to technologies and contracting health problems. It is
highly
recommended for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more money on education and sports facilities to uplift one’s physical well-being and knowledge.
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IELTS essay Has technology given us more leisure time than before?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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