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Happiness is considered very important in life. v.24

Happiness is considered very important in life. v. 24
People were always in search of happiness since ancient times and still many of us are trying to find it throughout the whole life. But happiness differs from person to person and it can’t be explained in one word. That’s why it is always difficult to determine its controversial and deep essence. There are many reasons to think that full happiness is impossible to achieve and moreover it is non-existent in reality. But it is not true and I strongly believe that people underestimate the value of everyday happiness they have living their lives. Standards of being happy in many cultures and countries are quite diverse. For instance, in Asian cultures, the main factors which influence the felicity of its peoples are a big family, care and respect for elders, following the traditions of their ancestors, religion and  harmony with nature and others, material things are less important. As for western civilisation, the situation is quite different and essential factors in happiness attainment are rather material than spiritual. According to many investigations in this sphere, Europeans are very concerned about money, high social status in society, good job and education. They spend all their lives in pursuit of financial success and material boons are very significant for them. The majorities start their families and have children in their early thirties after having done some progress in the career field. As it can be seen the criteria of happiness are rather wide and varied for millions of people, but nevertheless many things are very similar. All of us would like to be happy in many ways in this life: to be healthy and wealthy, have a family and children, be successful in career, have good friends and live a long and interesting life. It seems to me that main factors in gaining happiness are support from your family and friends, harmony with yourself and surrounding world, good health and so on. To conclude I would like to say that we are happy only by one great reason, that is our birth into this beautiful and wonderful world, full of many opportunities and chances to believe in happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were always in search of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
since ancient times and
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us are trying to find it throughout the whole life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
differs from person to person and it can’t be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in one word. That’s why it is always difficult to determine its controversial and deep essence.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is impossible to achieve and
moreover
it is non-existent in reality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not true and I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
underestimate the value of everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
they have living their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Standards of being happy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures and countries are quite diverse.
For instance
, in Asian cultures, the main factors which influence the felicity of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, care and respect for elders, following the traditions of their ancestors, religion and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
harmony with nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, material things are less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

As for western
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
, the situation is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and essential factors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
attainment are
rather
material than spiritual. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investigations in this sphere, Europeans are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerned about money, high social status in society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and education. They spend all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in pursuit of financial success and material boons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant for them. The majorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and have children in their early thirties after having done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
progress in the career field. As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the criteria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are
rather
wide and varied for millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nevertheless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar. All of us would like to be happy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways in this life: to be healthy and wealthy, have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and children, be successful in career, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a long and interesting life. It seems to me that main factors in gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
are support from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, harmony with yourself and surrounding world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To conclude
I would like to say that we are happy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by one great reason,
that is
our birth into this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and wonderful world, full of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities and chances to believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Happiness is considered very important in life. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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