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happier life

happier life MMLOq
Controversy exists over whether people are less happy than they were in the past. Whereas, some may hold the opinion that people have a funny world in these days, while others adhere an opposite direction. However, I would rather vote on the former point of view in that not only has technology changed human's life, but also human's mode of life is altered. The first factor which is convincing enough to favor the former point of view is that with the advent of technology human' life is changing. In fact, the advancement in the technology has penetrated to every corner and every minute of citizens. Who thinks that technology has not effected people' life? What is noticing is that with the help of technology people find numerous sources of entertainment to take a break from undue pressure of both study and work. They can improve their mental and physical health through facilities which technology has provided for them. Take a family who live in a metropolitan as an example. They get a sense of satisfaction from various places both in their home and outside. They watch some funny movies or make favorable time with each other. They also are able to play game through the Internet with zillion other people online all around the globe. A further aspect which is worth to be mentioned here is that civilians have changed their life's style in last decades. Children have a great time spending with their friends in school, so they can go to shop centers in the downtown to buy fashionable clothes to adapt themselves to new trends. It must be emphasized that the significant role of welfare and new habits can never be neglected, since people no longer involved in boring jobs. A tangible example to illustrate this argument could be changing in citizens' view to the world. They never work a long hours in the farms to survive in the harsh climate. The only thing they should do is that sit in the front of a desk typing some pleasant projects to get a high salary in the end of month. All in all, taking into account all aforementioned factors we safely arrive at the conclusion that people have more happier time versus their life in the past because technology and human life' style are changing. It is high time we stopped overlooking the fact that human being is too much upset than past.
Controversy exists over whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less happy than they were in the past. Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
world in these days, while others adhere an opposite direction.
However
, I would
rather
vote on the former point of view in that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
human's mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is altered
.

The
first
factor which is convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to favor the former point of view is that with the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
human'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is changing. In fact, the advancement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has penetrated to every corner and every minute of citizens. Who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has not effected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
? What is noticing is that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find numerous sources of entertainment to take a break from undue pressure of both study and work. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental and physical health through facilities which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has provided for them. Take a family who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a metropolitan as an example. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sense of satisfaction from various places both in their home and outside. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
movies or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with each other.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
also
are able to play game through the Internet with zillion other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online all around the globe.

A
further
aspect which is worth to
be mentioned
Did you mean "here are that civilians"?
here is that civilians
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
's style in last decades. Children have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with their friends in school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can go to shop centers in the downtown to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
fashionable clothes to adapt themselves to new trends. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be emphasized
that the significant role of welfare and new habits can never
be neglected
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer involved in boring jobs. A tangible example to illustrate this argument could be changing in citizens' view to the world. They never work a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
in the farms to survive in the harsh climate. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing they should do is that sit in the front of a desk typing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pleasant projects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high salary in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of month.

All in all, taking into account all aforementioned factors we
safely
arrive at the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use only "happier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
versus their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and human life' style are changing. It is high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking the fact that human being is too much upset than past.
What do you think?
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IELTS essay happier life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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