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future job: study hard or make great connection independent

future job: study hard or make great connection independent 56NXP
Success in future job is indispensable aspect of human'life which has influenced every corner and every minute of our life. Controversy exist over ability to make connection people is beneficial than studying intensievly in school to succeed in future job. Some may hold the opinion that stuyding hard is vital, while others advocate capability to relate well to people is significant. However, I would rather vote on the later point of view in that not only does it improve social skills, but also it enhances economic situation. The first factor which is convincing enough to favor the later point of view is that by making a suitable relationship with others, people are able to make new friends hving different personalities and habits. In fact, people make splendid communucation through interpersonal interaction in company and organization. What is noticing is that a complex web of relationships with zillion other people all around the globe, find numerous professional and experts to work in specific company to succeed in job. Take a firm working in E- business in the Internet as an example. This comapany can find more people to watch its website, since Internet is main channel to share the idea about services presented by comapany. In long term, this relation make a large number of benefits for comapany such as: attracting more people to attend comapany and well-known name for company. A further aspect which is worth to be mentioned here is that ability to make connection with people enhance the annual income of comapny, since these relationships attract more customers to company, which each of them can buy company’s products. Indeed, the more customers, the more economic boost in company situation. This will pave the company to present more and various products to customers, and so this reduces financial burdon on comapany. For example, a comapany which hire some individuals who are able to relate to people make a loyal customers which they pay more money for products produced by company. These connections increase the economic level of economy in market thanks to earned money by customers which were attracted to comapany by a well relationship. All in all, taking into count all aforementioned factors, we safely arrive at a conclusion that people' ability to relate to others is much significat activities than studying hard in school to get a better position in future job, because it leads to get familiar with wide range of people and it rises the company' profits. It is high time we stopped overlooking that only task to do in order to succeed in future job is study.
Success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is indispensable aspect of human'life which has influenced every corner and every minute of our life. Controversy
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "exists".
exist
over ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
connection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
Use "(beneficial)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
beneficial
than studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
intensievly
in school to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "holds".
hold
the opinion that
Possible spelling mistake found.
stuyding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is vital, while others advocate capability to relate well to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
significant.
However
, I would
rather
vote on the later point of view in that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it enhances economic situation.

The
first
factor which is convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to favor the later point of view is that by making a suitable relationship with others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new friends
Possible spelling mistake found.
hving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personalities and habits. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
splendid
Possible spelling mistake found.
communucation
through interpersonal interaction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and organization. What is noticing is that a complex web of relationships with zillion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the globe, find numerous professional and experts to work in specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Take a firm working in E- business
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the Internet".
in the Internet
as an example. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
can find more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
its website, since Internet is main channel to share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about services presented by
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
. In long term, this relation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
benefits for
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
such as: attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
and well-known name for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

A
further
aspect which is worth to
be mentioned
here is that ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enhance the annual income of
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapny
, since these relationships attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, which each of them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
products.
Indeed
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, the more economic boost in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
situation. This will pave the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to present more and various products to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
burdon
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
.
For example
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
which hire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals who are able to relate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a loyal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "customer"?
customers
which they pay more money for products produced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. These connections increase the economic level of economy in market thanks to earned money by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
which
were attracted
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
comapany
by a well relationship.

All in all, taking into count all aforementioned factors, we
safely
arrive at a conclusion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
' ability to relate to others is much
Possible spelling mistake found.
significat
activities than studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it rises the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
' profits. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
task to do in order to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is study.
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IELTS essay future job: study hard or make great connection independent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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