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Greatest Depressing decision of Society

Greatest Depressing decision of Society 963Lr
A part of society thinks that individuals of entertainment sector such as movie stars, pop musicians and sports players are overpaid. From my own perspective, I completely agree that these people are well paid over their worth regarding the benefit brought to the community which might lead to an inequality of salaries in society. On the one hand, despite the rare skillsets needed in order to be the part of entertaining area, the money made by these individuals is extremely higher than of the rest of the people and increasing every day. This situation is mainly due to demand and ease of access to the entertainment products within help of broadened use of internet and other marketing tools. For instance, a football match can take place live worldwide and this allows players to get paid more while the doctor who prepares the player or the engineer who designs the network for broader live coverage for the match is getting comparably lower payments. On the other hand, the significant difference between salaries of these draws an injustice and tempts the society to be part of entertainment sector while their skills might be more beneficial in other types of jobs. This also creates a social problem in the community among youth where most of them are elicited by an idea of getting rich via being famous and the jobs which are earned with hard work such as being a teacher, doctor, engineer and etc. are neglected. These kind of underestimated jobs ought to earn more amount of money in order to provoke a justice between cells of community and canalize people to the jobs that match their individual abilities. To conclude, it is evident that entertainers are well over paid in quality wise and this fact generates several problems in the society where scientific works become discredited. Other kinds of jobs gained through education and hard work should also be rewarded with increased and more justifiable salaries.
A part of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that individuals of entertainment sector such as movie stars, pop musicians and sports players are overpaid. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are well paid over their worth regarding the benefit brought to the community which might lead to an inequality of salaries in society.

On the one hand, despite the rare
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillsets
needed in order to be the part of entertaining area, the money made by these individuals is
extremely
higher than of the rest of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and increasing every day. This situation is
mainly
due to demand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access to the entertainment products within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of broadened
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
marketing tools.
For instance
, a football match can take place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
worldwide and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
players to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid more while the doctor who prepares the player or the engineer who designs the network for broader
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
coverage for the match is getting
comparably
lower payments.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the significant difference between salaries of these draws an injustice and tempts the society to be part of entertainment sector while their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
might be more beneficial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This
also
creates a social problem in the community among youth where most of them
are elicited
by an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of getting rich via being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which
are earned
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work such as being a teacher, doctor, engineer
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
are neglected
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of underestimated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
ought to earn more amount of money in order to provoke a justice between cells of community and canalize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that match their individual abilities.

To conclude
, it is evident that entertainers are well over paid in quality wise and this fact generates several problems in the society where scientific works become discredited.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
gained through education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work should
also
be rewarded
with increased and more justifiable salaries.
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IELTS essay Greatest Depressing decision of Society

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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