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Great Inventions in the world

Great Inventions in the world 0BpyQ
Hi everybody, my name is Vy today I will talk about Great Inventions. There are a lot of great inventions in the world, but I think the greatest one is Television. People often called John Logie Braid as "The father of Television” because he was the first person to show a working television. The most famous TV all the time is Sony. Today there are more choices from Samsung, LG, Philips. People can not only watch TV but also surf the Internet on the TV. TV has many advantages. Firstly, TV is a house of entertainment. People have a lot of choices when they turn on the TV. There are many interesting programs on TV like reality shows, cartoon channels, movies, sports channels. . . Some people can spend all day watching their favorite programs. Secondly, TV is helpful because it brings information about everything in the world to people. People can learn from watching TV. Beside fun programs, TV also has useful channels about Math, English, Science. . . to help students study better. There are also many cooking programs on TV. People don't need to go to cooking class and they still can learn how to cook well. TV is very interesting but it has a lot of disadvantages. Firstly, TV is not good for people's health. Instead of going for a walk or doing some exercises, people just lay in bed and do nothing because they are too tired after watching TV for many hours. If they sit in front of TV closely, they can have problems with their eyes. Secondly, some people are attracted to watching TV. They just focus on watching all the programs on TV and forget about their work. As a result, they will not have enough money because they don't work hard. For students, they can have bad marks at school because they don't spend time on studying. That is the end of my presentation about Television. Thank you for listening!
Hi everybody, my name is
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Vy
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today
I will talk about Great Inventions. There are
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a lot of
great inventions in the world,
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but
I
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think
the greatest one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
.
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People
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often
called John
Possible spelling mistake found.
Logie
Braid as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
The father of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television”
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because
he was the
first
person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
TV all the time is Sony.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
there are more choices from Samsung, LG, Philips.
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People
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
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but
also
surf the Internet on the TV. TV has
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many
advantages.
Firstly
, TV is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
choices when they turn on the TV. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV like reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, cartoon channels, movies, sports channels.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend all day watching their favorite
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programs
.
Secondly
, TV is helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings information about everything in the world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can learn from watching TV. Beside fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, TV
also
has useful channels about Math, English, Science.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students study better. There are
also
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many
cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
don't need to go to cooking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
class and
they
still
can learn how to cook well. TV is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
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a lot of
disadvantages.
Firstly
, TV is not
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good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
Instead
of going for a walk or doing
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some
exercises,
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people
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just
lay in bed and do nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too tired after watching TV for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours. If they sit in front of TV
closely
, they can have problems with their eyes.
Secondly
,
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
to watching TV. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on watching all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV and forget about their work.
As a result
, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. For students, they can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
marks at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't spend time on studying.
That is
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of my presentation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
. Thank you for listening!
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IELTS essay Great Inventions in the world

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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