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Governmentt on free time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Governmentt on free time activities. Gwgrw
Spending on education is top priority for many regime across the world. Whereas, the ought to utilise money on recreational activities. In my opinion, administrations must spend exorbitant amount of money on extra curriculum activities. This essay will discuss both points of perspectives in subsequent paragraphs. Undoubtedly, education is the most powerful weapon which proponents can use to change the world. The obvious point is that with the assist of academic qualification inhabitants cannot only acquire knowledge regarding distinct things, but also get worthwhile job opportunities in upcoming life. Which helps to augment the nation economy. To clarify this, when they read books. At that time they can ameliorate their language skills. The another point is that crime rate will be dropped. By virtue of this, the educated individuals know the value of rules and regulations of country as well as they will be busy in works for complete their fundamental needs. On the flip side, it has a lot of benefits if a higher authority is spend a few fund on leisure time tasks. The evident merit is that sports to keep body fit as a fiddle. Ergo, they can learn and numerous things while doing recreational activities. For instance how to communicate with others confident, teamwork and many others. Unless, they have talent then they will never obtain successful life. In addition to this, spare time activities of works as a stress buster for them. For instance, art, sports, paintings and other activities refresh the students mind. As a result, they actively engage in study. to recapitulate, although education is the key to success. Yet, authorities must spend money on physical activities. Owing to this, it helps for histolic development of children.
Spending on education is top priority for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regime across the world.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the ought to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
money on recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion, administrations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend exorbitant amount of money on extra curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will discuss both points of perspectives in subsequent paragraphs.

Undoubtedly
, education is the most powerful weapon which proponents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world. The obvious point is that with the assist of academic qualification inhabitants cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acquire knowledge regarding distinct things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worthwhile job opportunities in upcoming life.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to augment the nation economy. To clarify this, when they read books. At that time they can ameliorate their language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The another point is that crime rate will
be dropped
. By virtue of this, the educated individuals know the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of country
as well
as they will be busy in works for complete their fundamental needs.

On the flip side, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits if a higher authority is
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
a few fund on leisure time tasks. The evident merit is that sports to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
body fit as a fiddle. Ergo, they can learn and numerous things while doing recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
how to communicate with others confident, teamwork and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others.
“Unless” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Unless
, they have talent then they will never obtain successful life.
In addition
to this, spare time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of works as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for them.
For instance
, art, sports, paintings and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
refresh the students mind.
As a result
, they
actively
engage in study.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
recapitulate, although education is the key to success.
Yet
, authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend money on physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Owing to this, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
histolic
development of children.
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IELTS essay Governmentt on free time activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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