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Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things Do you agree or disagree v.1

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things v. 1
Commemoration of important national events is a part of a nation' s pride and a way to show respects to its tradition and history. Such events are instrumental in motivating the new generation to be patriots and bestow tribute to people whose contributions are unforgettable. Thus the amount spent on such celebrations are justified. To begin with, public ceremonies are important in terms of spreading nationality, giving mass people a reason to forget their differences and improving public relations. The amount spent on such events are often disputed by many and they suggest that the government should designate this budget for more urgent needs. Reasonable their arguments might seem, but it is no way practical and the importance of observing national events is unparalleled. These celebrations, for example, teach us who we really are, how much our ancestors sacrificed to give us a better country and how we are all the same as a nation. In my early childhood, I did not show an acute interest in the history of our country until I noticed the way people observe the day and how the whole nation remembers the sacrifices of martyrs. If we want a future generation who would adhere to our nationality, we need to commemorate our significant national days. Now getting back to using the fund on more important things - a government already has a plan in place for disaster recovery and using funds for an emergency. Each important sector in a country already gets a lion share of the national budget and we need to focus more on prudently using the fund for the true development, not switching fund from one sector to another. Finally, festivals are people' s fundamental rights and a government should always support such public festivals including religious and national galas to prove that the authority works for the public, not against them. To conclude, public celebrations and a government' s role to organise it and using the national fund to support it has a great influence in fostering nationality, showing a government' s support to the people and this is why the amount spent for such events are essential.
Commemoration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is a part of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; s pride and a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respects to its tradition and history. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are instrumental in motivating the new generation to be patriots and bestow tribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose contributions are unforgettable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the amount spent on such celebrations
are justified
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
ceremonies are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in terms of spreading nationality, giving mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a reason to forget their differences and improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
relations. The amount spent on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
disputed by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
many and
they suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should designate this budget for more urgent needs. Reasonable their arguments might seem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is no way practical and the importance of observing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is unparalleled
. These celebrations,
for example
, teach us who we
really
are, how much our ancestors sacrificed to give us a better country and how we are all the same as a nation. In my early childhood, I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an acute interest in the history of our country until I noticed the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe the day and how the whole nation remembers the sacrifices of martyrs. If we want a future generation who would adhere to our nationality, we need to commemorate our significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
days.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
getting back to using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
on more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
already has a plan in place for disaster recovery and using funds for an emergency. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
sector in a country already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a lion share of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
budget and
we need to focus more on
prudently
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
for the true development, not switching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
from one sector to another.
Finally
, festivals are
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s fundamental rights and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should always support such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
festivals including religious and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
galas to prove that the authority works for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, not against them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
celebrations and a
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s role to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
it and using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
to support it has a great influence in fostering nationality, showing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s support to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this is why the amount spent for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are essential.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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