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Governments should spend more money on providing STEM* education in schools than on music and art because employers need more people with a STEM background than music or art. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Governments should spend more money on providing STEM* education in schools than on music and art because employers need more people with a STEM background than music or art. with this opinion? yPwyV
It is often argued that the government ought to finance STEM* education instead of spending budget on music or art as manager require more individuals with a steam background. In my perspective, investment in STEM* education play a very important role, I still think that proper funding of arts sector is also crucial for juveniles. First of all, the government should allocate money on STEM* education. This investment will ensuring that student could have a fascinating on study environment, so it will increase the motivation of youngster. In addition, it also gradually build their persistence and resilience for their whole life, that is very good for kids when in the development stage. Technology becoming a future employment for all people as this world jobs need a plethora of workers nowadays. That is why government should adequately STEM* education in the first place. On the other hand, art and music are not waste of money since they are an integral part of beatiful youth and inlectual development and amusement. In some countries, arts and music are become phenomena for citizen, especially children. They could not live without it, therefore there are some kid ready for worst things if they might not study study art and music. Quite often a single drawing or a song can export myriads of youngsters to reconsider their attitude towards some situation. Moreover, create a music theater also help children relaxing and entertainment after a hard study day. Thus, the art sector is also a vital part for education and should not be neglected. In conclusion, I totally agree that figures of authority should finance more in their budget on STEM* education, I am convinced that arts and music should be also financed since they play an important role in student’s development and entertainment.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM*
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
of spending budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as manager require more individuals with a steam background. In my perspective, investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM*
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role, I
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that proper funding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
sector is
also
crucial for juveniles.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM*
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This investment will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "ensure"
ensuring
that student could have a fascinating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it will increase the motivation of youngster.
In addition
, it
also
gradually
build their persistence and resilience for their whole life,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for kids when in the development stage. Technology becoming a future employment for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as this world jobs need a plethora of workers nowadays.
That is
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
adequately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM*
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the
first
place.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are not waste of money since they are an integral part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
beatiful
youth and
Possible spelling mistake found.
inlectual
development and amusement. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are become
phenomena for citizen,
especially
children. They could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it,
therefore
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "kids"?
kid
ready for worst things if they might not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a single drawing or a song can export myriads of youngsters to reconsider their attitude towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation.
Moreover
, create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
theater
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children relaxing and entertainment after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
day.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
sector is
also
a vital part for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and should not
be neglected
.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that figures of authority should finance more in their budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STEM*
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be
also
financed since they play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in student’s development and entertainment.
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IELTS essay Governments should spend more money on providing STEM* education in schools than on music and art because employers need more people with a STEM background than music or art. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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