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Governments should spend more money on local economy and less on service for people

Governments should spend more money on local economy and less on service for people 2PPOo
The majority of people think, that a lot of money the government should spend on the economy and a little quantity on people's service. I partly agree with this statement. On the one hand, the government's money should pay on the local economy. Because the economy plays a big role in developing countries. If the government takes care of its economy, the country will rapidly develop. For example, China is a developed country because the Chinese government spends 60-70% of its finance on the economy. Also, the more money was spent by the government, the more decreased unemployment. For instance, in the USA due to industrialization 88% of the population engaged in work. On the other hand, the government pays wealth on services for people too. Primarily, it leads to the growth of tourism. This is why it is equally vital for the country. That's why Dubai is the most popular visiting city all around the world for high services and a lot of fashionable tall buildings. Finally, it influences the local population's lifestyle. This means that when increasing services for people may change their ordinary life to high lifestyle. In addition, it may lead to types of services becoming varied. In conclusion, many people find spending money on the native economy and less on service for people correct thing. I think that it's both sides are important for countries to progress.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
quantity on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should pay on the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes care of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
rapidly
develop.
For example
, China is a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends 60-70% of its finance on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
Also
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was spent
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, the more decreased unemployment.
For instance
, in the USA due to industrialization 88% of the population engaged in work.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pays wealth on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too.
Primarily
, it leads to the growth of tourism. This is why it is
equally
vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. That's why Dubai is the most popular visiting city all around the world for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
fashionable tall buildings.
Finally
, it influences the local population's lifestyle. This means that when increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their ordinary life to high lifestyle.
In addition
, it may lead to types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
becoming varied.
In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
correct thing. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it's both sides are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to progress.
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IELTS essay Governments should spend more money on local economy and less on service for people

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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