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Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or or disagree? v.2

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. v. 2
While some advocate that authorities should allocate more funds to railroads than roads, others put forward cogent reasons for increasing expenditure on highways and byways first. I totally agree that it is railway construction that should be primarily financed. The main reason why I believe that railways have to be funded on a primary basis is due to their reliability. Traveling by rail offers fast and secure communication, as well as minimizes mortality in mass casualty events. To illustrate, there are usually few passenger fatalities as a result of train accidents, while motor vehicles fatality rate amounts for great figures per day. Another reason for funding railroads is that they are an environmentally-friendly mode of transport. A regular train releases much less harmful gases than the cars needed to transport the same number of passengers. Developing railway nets ensures that fewer people will use private vehicles to commute. This results in fewer toxic emissions emitted in the atmosphere on an everyday basis leading to the enhancement of ecological situation and diminished air pollution. Finally, if extensive use of trains were to be implemented, much fewer people would consider driving cars to get to the final destination. In other words, the number of cars on the road would decline, which would entail a drastic curtail of traffic jams in bustling cities. As a result, city dwellers would not have to spend hours on an everyday commute. To conclude, I completely agree that the government should make funding railways their top priority. This is because not only do railroads enable swift and secure transportation of individuals and goods, but they also bring much less damage to the environment than cars and tackle the issue of traffic congestion.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocate that authorities should allocate more funds to railroads than roads, others put forward cogent reasons for increasing expenditure on highways and byways
first
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
construction that should be
primarily
financed.

The main reason why I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be funded
on a primary basis is due to their reliability. Traveling by rail offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and secure communication,
as well
as minimizes mortality in mass casualty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. To illustrate, there are
usually
few passenger fatalities
as a result
of train accidents, while motor
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "vehicles'" or "vehicle's"?
vehicles
fatality rate amounts for great figures per day.

Another reason for funding railroads is that they are an
environmentally
-friendly mode of transport. A regular train releases much less harmful gases than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
needed to transport the same number of passengers. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
nets ensures that fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
private vehicles to commute. This results in fewer toxic emissions emitted in the atmosphere on an everyday basis leading to the enhancement of ecological situation and diminished air pollution.

Finally
, if extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of trains were to
be implemented
, much fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would consider driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the final destination.
In other words
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the road would decline, which would entail a drastic curtail of traffic jams in bustling cities.
As a result
, city dwellers would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend hours on an everyday commute.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
their top priority. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do railroads enable swift and secure transportation of individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
bring much less damage to the environment than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and tackle the issue of traffic congestion.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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