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Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion xmmww
It is serious problem which we are faced in modern society, the population of poverty has been increasing because of over consuming of sugar. Many people usually take a lot of sugar in a day such as drinks, source. Sometimes we don’t know that food which contain a lot of sugar and then we take it. that is why this problems are threaten out healthy thus, many government trying to decrease sugar consume rate. The government have many responsibility of control the healthy problem we have otherwise it is hard to prevent consume harmful stuff such as sugar, tabasco etc. For example, in the past USA government suggested smoking the cigarette and then many people smoked the cigarette after that they had high death rate by smoking. It shows the government effects on many citizens. Thus, they will be able to control to take harmful ingredient by making the rules. It is serious to take high levels of sugar these-days, Many exporters say that sugar is one of the most harmful ingredient for us. Sugar can destroy to our immunity system and making us fatter and addicted. It is enough reason to prevent to take sugar. On the other hand, some people say that It is too much control for foods, There are more harmful ingredients than sugar thus, it is unnecessary to control taking sugar by government. If they introduced special taxes, then it would be bad for food industry. Food industry is one of the most huge section in our life. Therefore, it is unrealistic rule for many companies. To sum up, it is unrealistic rule in someway however, it is serious problem which we have to control because sugar can be addicted and many of them can’t quit take sugar by themselves. Therefore, it is necessary to make the rule about consuming of sugar.
It
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a serious" or "is an serious"
is serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which we
are faced
in modern society, the population of poverty has been increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of over consuming of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in a day such as drinks, source.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
we don’t know that food which contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sugar and
then we take it.
that is
why
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
Consider using a past participle here: "threatened".
threaten
out healthy
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
trying to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consume rate.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have
Possible agreement error. The noun responsibility seems to be countable; consider using: "many responsibilities".
many responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we have
otherwise
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
stuff such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tabasco
etc.
For example
, in the past USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
suggested smoking the cigarette and then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
smoked the cigarette after that they had high death rate by smoking. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens.
Thus
, they will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
ingredient by making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. It is serious to take high levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
these-days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
exporters say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
ingredient for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sugar
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
to our immunity system and making us fatter and addicted. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
to take sugar.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that It is too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
for foods, There are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harmful
ingredients than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
thus
, it is unnecessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. If they introduced special taxes, then it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for food industry.

Food industry is one of the most huge section in our life.
Therefore
, it is unrealistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

To sum up, it is unrealistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
in someway
however
, it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a serious" or "is an serious"
is serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can
be addicted
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them can’t quit take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
by themselves.
Therefore
, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
about consuming of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
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IELTS essay Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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