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Are advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Are advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks? 9YblX
In the 21st century there are a lot of young people who are self-employed. Most of them believe that they can earn enough money and have satisfaction through running their own business. However, some old-fashioned people believe that working to somebody is better choice. I completely disagree with this point of view and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. Firstly, nowadays after world virus pandemic people from all countries understood that they can sucsessfully use their skills working online. A good example of this would be computer buffs who creat websites. They can advirtise their abilities in Facebook or Instagramm and do work from any location. Secondly, plethora of schoolchildren or students able to find new types products or businesses. For example, famous owner of Meta Mister Mark used to be a student of Harward University when he and his friends had created the Facebook. Finally, today young people want to be a free and independence from any employer. They do not want to have nine-to-five working day and be stick behind the desk. Nevertheless, it is fair that be employed is more convinience because of stability. However, in this case people may lose their creativity for they will do only what their bosses say. As a good example take my expirience. Several month ago I left my job in government and I have understood that I can earn money spending only few hours per day. To sum up, every mankind chose his or her way in life. In my opinion, more and more young people run their own business because they have a lot of opportunities to do it.
In the 21st century there are
a lot of
young
people
who are self-employed. Most of them believe that they can earn
enough
money and have satisfaction through running their
own
business.
However
,
some
old
-fashioned
people
believe that working to somebody is better choice. I completely disagree with this point of view and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

Firstly
, nowadays after world virus pandemic
people
from all countries understood that they can
sucsessfully
use
their
skills
working online. A
good
example of this would be computer buffs who
creat
websites. They can
advirtise
their abilities
in Facebook
or
Instagramm
and do work from any location.
Secondly
, plethora of schoolchildren or students able to find new types products or businesses.
For example
,
famous
owner of Meta Mister Mark
used
to be a student of
Harward
University when he and his friends had created the Facebook.
Finally
,
today
young
people
want to be a free and independence from any employer. They do not want to have nine-to-five working day and be stick behind the desk.

Nevertheless
, it is
fair
that
be employed
is more
convinience
because
of stability.
However
,
in this case
people
may lose their creativity for they will do
only
what their bosses say.
As
a
good
example take my
expirience
. Several month ago I
left
my job in
government
and I have understood that I can earn money spending
only
few hours per day.

To sum up, every mankind chose
his or her
way in life. In my opinion, more and more young
people
run their
own
business
because
they have
a lot of
opportunities to do it.
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IELTS essay Are advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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