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Government should spend more money on Sport rather than education. Discuss and give your opinion.

Government should spend more money on Sport rather than education. Discuss and give your opinion. XnwJg
Undoubtedly, almost every field has developed significantly over the last few decades which can be seen in sport and education. At present many countries around the world are spending enormous amount of money for developing of sport rather than education. Many people claimed that government should allocate more funds to educational development. while other argue that expenditure of more money by the government on development of sport would be more beneficial than education. This essay will not only shed light on both perspectives but my point of view is also elaborate in conclusion. It is undeniable fact that education has a crucial role in the improvement of people's life as well as in the progress of country. Of course, expenditure of money on education, modernization of school places and develop better methods of teaching could be wise way to improve society, due to this authorities need to allocate ample financial resources. On the other hand, sport has a vital influence in international relation and safe way to release patriotic emotions while powerful leaders try to motivate global economy and geopolitics and countries fight for the land. Because every four year world stops to watch international sporting events such as One day cricket world cup, Olympic games, football world cup ann more. These events can be the examples of the system which can gather all nations even for short time. According to the survey that when this events were holding crime rate decrease sharply. Moreover everybody forgets their problem when this events start. Hence, spending money on development of sport can be the best way to easing international tension. To conclude, It seems to me that utilization of money on education and sport are beneficial as both have its own great and and important effects in life. That is whay countries should spend funds as per their need.
Undoubtedly
, almost every field has developed
significantly
over the last few decades which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. At present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are spending enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for developing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claimed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate more funds to educational development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
other argue that expenditure of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
would be more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
shed light on both perspectives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my point of view is
also
elaborate
in conclusion
.

It is undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has a crucial role in the improvement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
as well
as in the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Of course
, expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, modernization of school places and develop better methods of teaching could be
Please check whether an article is missing: "a wise".
wise
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
society, due to
Did you mean "these"?
this
authorities need to allocate ample financial resources.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has a vital influence in international relation and safe way to release patriotic emotions while powerful leaders try to motivate global economy and geopolitics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
fight for the land.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
every four year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as One day cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cup,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
, football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
cup
Possible spelling mistake found.
ann
more. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be the examples of the system which can gather all nations even for short time. According to the survey that when
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
were holding crime rate decrease
sharply
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
everybody forgets their problem when
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
Hence
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can be the best way to easing international tension.

To conclude
, It seems to me that utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are beneficial as both have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
great and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effects in life.
That is
Possible spelling mistake found.
whay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should spend funds as per their need.
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IELTS essay Government should spend more money on Sport rather than education. Discuss and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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