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The growing number of overweight

The growing number of overweight d5gP7
Owing to the problems which a growing population of overweight people cause for the health care system, some believe that most efficient method of dealing with these issues is by implementing frequent physical education lessons in schools. I completely agree that this is the best way to handle the deteriorating public health in relation to weight, Firstly, dealing with issues surrounding obesity and health problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing more sports and exercise in schools. This will ensure that the next generation will be healthier and not have such health problems. At the moment, the average child probably exercise about twice a week, which is not enough considering their sedentary lifestyles. By incorporating sports classes in to the curriculum as well encouraging extracurricular activities, children will undoubtedly be more active. Another point to consider is that having more sport lessons for children will probably result in them developing an interest for exercise. This might also effect family members and therefore have long lasting effects. IN other words parents with sporty children are more likely to get involved in sports. The increase of obesity is the cause of many health problems, which is putting a strain on the health care system. It is considered by many that the most sufficient method of dealing with this issue is by implementing frequent physical education lessons in schools. I fully agree, in my opinion, this the best way since some children do not have the opportunity to perform physical activities in their spare time. Furthermore, it creates good habits that will benefit them in the future. Performing different kinds of physical activities, such as swimming, dancing, or playing football is a privilege. Many parents do not have the financial means to let their children perform these leisure activities, which is unfortunate. Therefore, introducing more physical education lessons in schools is a great way to make sure all children exercise enough. Frequent physical exercise is a way of installing healthy lifestyle changes amongst school children. People who perform physical activity on a regular basis are also more likely to eat healthy. This is therefore a crucial way of dealing with and preventing the increasing number of obese people and their health issues. In conclusion, the rising number of obesity is causing an overload on the health care system due to the health issues that are involved. Letting school children attend more physical education lessons is a great method of dealing with this problem, since it gives everyone a chance to be active. In addition, it installs healthy lifestyle habits that will benefit them in the future.
Owing to the
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problems
which a growing population of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cause for the
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health
care system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that most efficient method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
is by implementing frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is the best way to handle the deteriorating public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in relation to weight,

Firstly
,
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dealing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
surrounding obesity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing more sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This will ensure that the
next
generation will be healthier and not have such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. At the moment, the average child
probably
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
about twice a week, which is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
considering their sedentary lifestyles. By incorporating sports classes in to the curriculum
as well
encouraging extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
undoubtedly
be more active.

Another point to consider is that having more sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
probably
result in them developing an interest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. This might
also
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
family members and
therefore
have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
effects.
IN other words
parents with sporty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in sports.

The increase of obesity is the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, which is putting a strain on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the most sufficient method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is by implementing frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, in my opinion, this the best way since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the opportunity to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their spare time.
Furthermore
, it creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits that will benefit them in the future.

Performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as swimming, dancing, or playing football is a privilege.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents do not have the financial means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
perform these leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which is unfortunate.
Therefore
, introducing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is a great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a way of installing healthy lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
on a regular basis are
also
more likely to eat healthy. This is
therefore
a crucial way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with and preventing the increasing number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

In conclusion
, the rising number of obesity is causing an overload on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that
are involved
. Letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
is a great method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, since it gives everyone a chance to be active.
In addition
, it installs healthy lifestyle habits that will benefit them in the future.
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
438 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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