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governments should not have to provide or financial support for senior citizen

governments should not have to provide or financial support for senior citizen rLXdl
There is a wide belife that the governments should not have to provide or financial support for senior citizen, instead of that, they should accountable for themselves when they retire. There are many reasons for this opinion. First and foremost, some people believe that the authorities should use the money which is supported to the elderly to construct more and more infrastructures, such as: hospitals, schools, highways, mainroads, etc. or this financial support could be utilized to help the poor or the disabled who are not able to worlk. Secondly, the citizen tends to work hard to earn much money to prepare for their retirement in order to save the State’s budget. Thirdly, nowadays, almost people seem not to need this type of support when they retire because of their richness, for example: Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, etc, or some retirees have their offsprings to take care of them. But from my perspective, the Authorities still need to support financially for the old. There are two things pop up on my mind. Firstly, in Vietnam, who work for the Government, like: police, president, teacher, etc will earn the pension when they get old, I think they are deserved to get that for their dedication. Last but not least, in the world, there are still many old people don’t have children to support them mentally for them so they really need the state help. In conclusion, I strongly suggest that the Government should support the retirees with finance and mental, however, the people also must prepare for their retirement in order to not to depend on the State’s support just in case of foreseen circumstances.
There is a wide
Possible spelling mistake found.
belife
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide or financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for senior citizen,
instead
of that, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
should accountable
for themselves when they retire.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this opinion.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money which
is supported
to the elderly to construct more and more infrastructures, such as: hospitals, schools, highways,
Possible spelling mistake found.
mainroads
, etc. or this financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
could
be utilized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the poor or the disabled who are not able to
Possible spelling mistake found.
worlk
.
Secondly
, the citizen tends to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn much money to prepare for their retirement in order to save the State’s budget.
Thirdly
, nowadays, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem not to need this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
when they retire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their richness,
for example
: Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, etc, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
retirees have their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to take care of them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from my perspective, the Authorities
still
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
financially
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. There are two things pop up on my mind.
Firstly
, in Vietnam, who work for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, like: police, president, teacher, etc will earn the pension when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they
are deserved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that for their dedication. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, in the world, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them mentally for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
really
need the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the retirees with finance and mental,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prepare for their retirement in order
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
depend on the State’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in case of foreseen circumstances.
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IELTS essay governments should not have to provide or financial support for senior citizen

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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