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These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? El51D
Having to experience having a happy childhood home is maybe one of the memories I will treasure for the rest of my life. I believe that it molded me into the woman that I am today. I learned a lot of basic things living at home with my family, in which I know then that I will be able to utilize as I get older. it may be ideal as it seems, having people cook and do laundry for you, make your bed, and clean the house but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to try and work abroad, away from home. starting this new journey made me realize that there are a lot of things outside my comfort zone that I still need to experience. stepping one foot forward is I can say, the best decision I have made. Deciding to pursue working abroad is the best decision I've done career-wise. Not only was I able to help my family financially, I was able to further my knowledge and skills as well. Moving away from home made me more independent and appreciate my time with my family, but having all of this freedom made me feel as if nothing is impossible. the possibilities are endless. I can enhance my talents and skills or discover new ones. being on my own made me go out of my shell, I was able to meet people from different level of society. From the heads of the company to the ones cleaning them. My social skills was put to test in dealing with different types of people not only with multiple personalities but on different emotional status as well. I had to adjust a lot of times. I was able to practice my emotions when it comes to dealing with people as well. Many times I thought of going home and wishing I could back to the past, to the happy go lucky state, but to be able to move forward in life I must do it one step at a time. In conclusion, in all arguments there are always ups and downs, advantages and disadvantages, and in this case, based on my own experience, I must say that the advantages totally outweighs the disadvantages. I was able to help my family financially, sent my brother to school, which was my initial goal. I am elated that I was able to bring comfort to their lives. The positive side of this is that it was beneficial for me as well, it's a win-win situation. I was able to grow personally and professionally. I am ecstatic in what my future hold.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a happy childhood home is maybe one of the memories I will treasure for the rest of my life. I believe that it molded me into the woman that I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
basic things living at home with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, in which I know then that I will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to utilize as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
may be ideal as it seems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cook and do laundry for you,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your bed, and clean the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am grateful that I had the opportunity to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
work abroad, away from home.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
starting
this new journey made me realize that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things outside my comfort zone that I
still
need to experience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
stepping
one foot forward is I can say, the best decision I have made. Deciding to pursue working abroad is the best decision I've done career-wise. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
, I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
further
my knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. Moving away from home made me more independent and appreciate my time with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
all of this freedom made me feel as if nothing is impossible.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
possibilities are endless. I can enhance my talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or discover new ones.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
being
on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
made me go out of my shell, I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
level of society. From the heads of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to the ones cleaning them. My social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
was put
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
in dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with multiple personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
emotional status as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. I had to adjust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
times. I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to practice my emotions when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of going home and wishing I could back to the past, to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
happy go lucky
state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward in life I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do it one step at a time.

In conclusion
, in all arguments there are always ups and downs, advantages and disadvantages, and
in this case
, based on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that the advantages
totally
outweighs the disadvantages. I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
financially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
my brother to school, which was my initial goal. I
am elated
that I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to bring comfort to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of this is that it was beneficial for me as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, it's a win-win situation. I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to grow
personally
and
professionally
. I am ecstatic in what my future hold.
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IELTS essay These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
439 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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