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Government should spend more money on education and sports activities.Do you agree or disagree

Government should spend more money on education and sports activities. Dak9A
Education is required for the all round development of every child. However, every child needs to have the quality of true sportsmanship. Both of these are having equal importance in any nation. I partially agree with this statement and government should take actions to balance the improvement of both these activities. First of all, literacy is an imperative and prime parameter in any country for its economical growth. The more the people are educated, the more they tend to find good job opportunities, and live a better life. Many countries spend a wide proportion of their annual budgets to provide better primary and secondary educations, the establishment of good universities and offering a wide range of educational scholarships to the students who intend to get a higher education. People study well and get a good higher education such as graduation and more, can find better jobs, earn good money and serves the nation by paying taxes, which ultimately benefits the government. Thus, it is more important for the government to enhance their education systems. On the other hand, despite providing good education to everyone, it is also important for government to equally promote recreational or sports activities. 'Health is wealth' and this is possible only through sports activities. Sports also teaches us that success and failures are a part of life, participating in games is important, one should not bother about winning or losing. In addition, participating in Commonwealth Games at international levels, winning medals or getting good ranks would also lead to earn a good reputation of our country among other nations. Government should invest enough money in this field too. To conclude, I would suggest making a good balance for spending the money for educational development and promotion of sports activities in the country. As both the developments are really important for the nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is required
for the all round development of every child.
However
, every child needs to have the quality of true sportsmanship. Both of these are having equal importance in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take actions to balance the improvement of both these activities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, literacy is an imperative and prime parameter in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for its
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth. The more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are educated
, the more they tend to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job opportunities, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spend a wide proportion of their annual budgets to provide better primary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
, the establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
universities and offering a wide range of educational scholarships to the students who intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
study well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
such as graduation and more, can find better jobs, earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
money and serves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by paying taxes, which
ultimately
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Thus
, it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems.

On the other hand
, despite providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to everyone, it is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
equally
promote recreational or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities. 'Health is wealth' and this is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
also
teaches us that success and failures are a part of life, participating in games is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, one should not bother about winning or losing.
In addition
, participating in Commonwealth Games at international levels, winning medals or getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
ranks would
also
lead to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reputation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
among other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money in this field too.

To conclude
, I would suggest making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
balance for spending the money for educational development and promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As both the developments are
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
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IELTS essay Government should spend more money on education and sports activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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