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Government should invest more money in science education rather than art subjects. Do you agree or disagree? Write an essay in about 250 words. Include detailed explanations and examples for your opinion.

Government should invest more money in science education rather than art subjects. Write an essay in about 250 words. Include detailed explanations and examples for your opinion. b3kGW
There is a general consensus that the government should allocate more financial resources to science education rather than art subjects. However, I totally disagree with that idea because both of them have their own benefits to develop our country. In the following paragraphs, I will give some reasons to demonstrate my opinion. On the one hand, science education is very important to concentrate on and invest in. First, science education provides knowledge about science to students which will open their career opportunities. For example, if someone has a good knowledge about biology, he or she will have many chances to become a doctor, a nurse or other jobs which relate to biology. Second, science education holds the key to the future of our country because when our understanding of the world through science increases, it also extends to other fields such as business, engineering and healthcare. On the other hand, art education also has many important roles in our society. Art subjects have children and students to improve their creativity which leads to the development of health. For instance, the research of Frontiers in Psychology shows that learners who spend time, space and material for creativity expression can improve their memory and help them to release stress. Furthermore, if government only invest in science education, it will have a redundancy of employee in science fields and shortage of workforce in art fields. Eventually, it bring about imbalance in distribution of labour in society and the increasing in unemployment rate. In conclusion, although science and technology education is an important part that the government should put money into, art subjects also have a major influence on our community so it can not be ignored by the government.
There is a
Consider using "consensus".
general consensus
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more financial resources to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects.
However
, I
totally
disagree with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both of them have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits to develop our country. In the following paragraphs, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to demonstrate my opinion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to concentrate on and invest in.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to students which will open their career opportunities.
For example
, if someone has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge about biology, he or she will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to become a doctor, a nurse or other jobs which relate to biology. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
holds the key to the future of our country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when our understanding of the world through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
increases, it
also
extends to other fields such as business, engineering and healthcare.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
subjects have children and students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativity which leads to the development of health.
For instance
, the research of Frontiers in Psychology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that learners who spend time, space and material for creativity expression can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their memory and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it will have a redundancy of employee in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
fields and shortage of workforce in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
fields.
Eventually
, it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
about imbalance in distribution of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in society and the increasing in unemployment rate.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put money into,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects
also
have a major influence on our community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
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IELTS essay Government should invest more money in science education rather than art subjects. Write an essay in about 250 words. Include detailed explanations and examples for your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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