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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. XYbE
In many decades, many researchers have studied the importance of government investments in various areas. In this essay, I will discuss why I strongly agree that governments should invest in public services and national security instead of throwing their money on arts. To embark on, Governments should allocate a significant portion of their budget to community services. This is because, the idea of a government formed the necessity of meeting citizens' vital essentials, such as housing, healthcare, and so on so that they can collect taxes from their citizens. For example, a recent study by Cambridge found that wealthy nations are successful in terms of high life expectancy and high life standards compare to underprivileged nations thanks to their investments in communal activities. Therefore, it is obviously the case that there is a positive effect of governments' expenditures of social welfare on the happiness of their publics. Secondly, Governments must budget on technological advancements. This is because, that high-tech equipment, which makes individuals` life easier and is a necessity, costs a great deal of money for the public. For instance, a new survey by BBC showed that forty percent of annual household income directly or indirectly goes to technology manufacturers in spite of causing a budget deficit. Thus, it is clearly the situation that expenditures and subsidies of governments on technology producers can stay money inside of the country rather than going to other countries as a financial benefit. Even though governments might consider investing in arts, this is illogical to spend taxpayers money instead of improving their lives. in the future, art will be solely funded by artists or curators in spite of the ministries of governments
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers have studied the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
investments in various areas. In this essay, I will discuss why I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should invest in public services and national security
instead
of throwing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on arts.

To embark on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should allocate a significant portion of their budget to community services. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
formed the necessity of meeting citizens' vital essentials, such as housing, healthcare, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can collect taxes from their citizens.
For example
, a recent study by Cambridge found that wealthy nations are successful in terms of high life expectancy and high life standards compare to underprivileged nations thanks to their investments in communal activities.
Therefore
, it is
obviously
the case that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' expenditures of social welfare on the happiness of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
budget on technological advancements. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, that high-tech equipment, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals` life easier and is a necessity, costs a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the public.
For instance
, a new survey by BBC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that forty percent of annual household income
directly
or
indirectly
goes to technology manufacturers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
causing a budget deficit.
Thus
, it is
clearly
the situation that expenditures and subsidies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
on technology producers can stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
the country
rather
than going to other countries as a financial benefit.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
might consider investing in arts, this is illogical to spend taxpayers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of improving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the future, art will be
solely
funded by artists or curators
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the ministries of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
governments

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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