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Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. 7nGk
Human, being the the most intellect mammal of the planet, carries great responsibility of taking care of environment. On the contrary, It is true that most of the people ignore this issue. This essay will outline why majority of people deny the responsibility of environment. I believe that biggest reason about ignorance of environmental issues is, it does not affect their daily life. Change in the atmosphere is going at slow pace, and people adapt themselves according to this change despite of taking action against it. For instance, Quality of our ground water is degrading, but instead of raising voice, people became addicted to the filtered water. Wastage of water, excess use of chemicals, increasing demand of automobiles, all are responsible for polluting our mother earth, and man, himself, is responsible for this negative change. There exist a number of organizations that are continuously trying to save planet earth. They even organize road shows, spread messages, but in this busy world, people hardly get time to pay attention to these initiatives. Even, small part of the gathering take these shows seriously. Most of the people enjoyed it as a source of entertainment. Undoubtedly, some people are doing their duties towards environment, very seriously. But, unfortunately, Majority of the population is busy in making money, and not the environment.
Human, being
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
most intellect mammal of the planet, carries great responsibility of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
On the contrary
, It is true that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this issue. This essay will outline why
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deny the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. I believe that biggest reason about ignorance of environmental issues is, it does not affect their daily life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
in the atmosphere is going at slow pace, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adapt themselves according to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
taking action against it.
For instance
, Quality of our ground water is degrading,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of raising voice,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became addicted to the filtered water. Wastage of water, excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of chemicals, increasing demand of automobiles, all are responsible for polluting our mother earth, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, himself, is responsible for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. There exist a number of organizations that are
continuously
trying to save planet earth. They even organize road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, spread messages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this busy world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to pay attention to these initiatives. Even,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of the gathering take these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
seriously
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoyed it as a source of entertainment.
Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing their duties towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
seriously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately,
It seems that an article is missing.
Majority of
the population is busy in making money, and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.

IELTS essay Most people do not care enough about environmental issues.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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