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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.17

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 17
In the past decade, our science and technology in the fields of cloning of human beings has grown substantially. Earlier it seemed quite impossible for us to imagine getting spare parts of cloned humans, but now it has become a reality. I personally believe, this modern science can help our society live longer than ever, but it would ultimately prove to be a nightmare for mankind. First of all, every person in our society wants to have a robust health. However, not everyone is born with such a blessing. Research in the fields of human cloning has opened up doors of spare parts for people which will help them get stable health both physically and mentally. Moreover, people who have lost their body parts in accidents can also benefit from this by getting new body parts which were earlier not possible. Ultimately, our mankind would get disease free and would have a longer life. On the contrary, some people find this idea quite daunting. Although cloning has evident benefits; however, people also find this science risky. If this technology falls into the hands of people with the wrong intentions, they might create human beings for their own purposes. For example, groups of people promoting criminal acts across the world might clone more people to carry out their false projects. This would eventually increase crime in our world which clearly outweighs the benefits of aforementioned science. If this technology has such high-risk factors, shouldn’t we put a halt on this as quickly as possible? Yes, we should surely do. In conclusion, human cloning is a double-edged sword that needs to be handled with utmost care. People should take cognizance of this fact and government should make sure this science should never go into the hands of negative people.
In the past decade, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology in the fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings has grown
substantially
. Earlier it seemed quite impossible for us to imagine getting spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of cloned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it has become a reality. I
personally
believe, this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than ever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would
ultimately
prove to be a nightmare for mankind.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every person in our society wants to have a robust health.
However
, not everyone
is born
with such a blessing. Research in the fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
has opened up doors of spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stable health both
physically
and mentally.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have lost their body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
in accidents can
also
benefit from this by getting new body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
which were earlier not possible.
Ultimately
, our mankind would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disease free and would have a longer life.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
quite daunting. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
has evident benefits;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
find this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
risky. If this technology falls into the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
intentions, they might create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purposes.
For example
, groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
promoting criminal acts across the world might clone more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to carry out their false projects. This would
eventually
increase crime in our world which
clearly
outweighs the benefits of aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. If this technology has such high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factors, shouldn’t we put a halt on this as
quickly
as possible? Yes, we should
surely
do.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloning
is a double-edged sword that needs to
be handled
with utmost care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should take cognizance of this fact and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
should never go into the hands of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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