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Government investment in the arts, music and theatre but it wastes of money so they invest money in public service instead. To what extant do you agree or disagree

Government investment in the arts, music and theatre but it wastes of money so they invest money in public service instead. To what extant M3Rq6
It must be important to spend money on local facilities by government in spite of music and art. It has source of waste of money. I partially agree with this given assertion and my supporting arguments along with the rationales thereof are discussed in the following body paragraph. To begin with, authorities should invest money for community benefits. For example, government must open hospital and school in underdeveloped countries as they are poor and do not have money for spending on their families even provide free education for children to get higher education. Opening these facilities also have better chance to get job for those people who are suffering from unemployment. In other words, individuals can earn money for spending on families doing work as volunteer there. Therefore, more and more money should be invested on local service than music or art. On the other hand, spending money on art and music help to boost economy of the nation. For instance, tourists visit museums for gaining knowledge about other cultures and more and more spend money for buying portraits, art pictures. So, it is beneficial for that nation where they are staying. Apart from this, investing money on arts and music help to stay connected with roots of cultures. If government should not spend money on these factors then local masses will forget their culture. In conclusion, it is apparent from above discussion that although spending money on local amenities help to bring job opportunities for those person's who belong to poor countries but music and arts also help to keep connect with culture and increase economy of the nation.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
facilities by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. It has source of waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
assertion and my supporting arguments along with the rationales thereof
are discussed
in the following body paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, authorities should invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for community benefits.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
open hospital and school in underdeveloped countries as they are poor and do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on their families even provide free education for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher education. Opening these facilities
also
have better chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are suffering from unemployment.
In other words
, individuals can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on families doing work as volunteer there.
Therefore
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be invested
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
service than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or art.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to boost economy of the nation.
For instance
, tourists visit museums for gaining knowledge about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and more and more spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for buying portraits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pictures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is beneficial for that nation where they are staying. Apart from this, investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to stay connected with roots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on these factors then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
masses will forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
In conclusion
, it is apparent from above discussion that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
amenities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to bring job opportunities for
Did you mean "this person" or "those people", "those persons"?
those person
's who belong to poor countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and increase economy of the nation.
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IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, music and theatre but it wastes of money so they invest money in public service instead. To what extant

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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