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Goverments do not have to provide care and financial support to the elderly beacause it is their responsiblility of each other to

Goverments do not have to provide care and financial support to the elderly beacause it is their responsiblility of each other to aEx7G
With the development of high technology and internet, people's life is getting better and better, therefore, some elderly can even support for their own livings. To a certain extent, I agree that the governments do not have to provide care or financial aid for the old because they should prepare for retirement to support themselves. However, I also think that the governments ought to supply some care provision and financial support for the senior citizens. On the one hand, I agree that the elderly should be the ones who take responsibility for their own life. We can see that most people in the world have a least a job to make a living, so they should spend it wisely and save for their life. Besides, I must say that almost everybody has their family, so their child can also support them with financial aid and many things else. For instance, a 60-year-old man before his retiring must save a lot of money to spend when he can not go to work anymore. It is his responsibility to live on his own and does not affect other lives. On the other hand, I believe that the governments should spend financial aid and care supplement for the elderly. While there are numerous senior citizens who have a good occupation and they can save a lot of pensions for their lives after, many old citizens just work as normal workers and can hardly have any money saved for their lives. Besides, when the governments decide to support the elderly, it shows sympathy with the people who are poor. In conclusion, while I think that the elderly should save money to prepare for their retirement and their lives when they become older and older due to their responsibility to themselves, I also believe that the governments should do something to support them if they are too poor or they have many difficulties in their lives.
With the development of high technology and internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life is getting better and better,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
can even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
livings. To a certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide care or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should prepare for retirement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
themselves.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
ought to supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
care provision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
for the senior citizens. On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
should be the ones who take responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world have
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
least a job to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should spend it
wisely
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
for their life.
Besides
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that almost everybody has their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their child can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things else.
For instance
, a 60-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
his retiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to spend when he can not go to work anymore. It is his responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and does not affect other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
On the other hand
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid and care supplement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. While there are numerous senior citizens who have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
occupation and
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pensions for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
after,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
work as normal workers and can hardly have any money saved for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Besides
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
sympathy with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are poor.
In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
money to prepare for their retirement and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
when they become older and older due to their responsibility to themselves, I
also
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should do something to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them if they are too
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor or
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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IELTS essay Goverments do not have to provide care and financial support to the elderly beacause it is their responsiblility of each other to

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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