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Global top 4 coffee producing countries from 2011 to 2013 (in 1000 units)

Global top 4 coffee producing countries from 2011 to 2013 (in 1000 units) Owk87
The bar chart below shows data about the percentage of coffee produced in top four nations namely Brazil, Vietnam, Indonesia and Colombia all over world between 2011 and 2013. Overall, It is clear that, during the period of 3 years saw an upward trend in all four nations. In addition, the coffee produced in Brazil was highest over the time. The years 2011 witnessed the figure for producing coffee in Brazil at 42000, as opposed to 10000 in Colombia. Then one year later, the figure for that in Brazil increased production of Brazil and it was five times as much as that of Colombia. For Vietnam, the figure for coffee produced in 2011 stood at around 230000 units, in comparison with approximately 10000 in Indonesia. In the next year, a moderate decline to 22000 was seen in the output of Vietnam, whereas that of Indonesia rose to 11000 units. That figure of Indonesia still unchanged in 2013, but it grew dramatically to 28000 units in Vietnam at the same time.
The bar chart below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data

about the percentage of coffee

produced in top four nations
namely


Brazil, Vietnam, Indonesia and

Colombia all over world between

2011 and 2013.

Overall
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, during the

period of 3 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an upward

trend in all four nations.
In addition
,

the coffee produced in Brazil was

A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
over the time.

The years 2011 witnessed the figure

for producing coffee in Brazil at

42000, as opposed to 10000 in

Colombia. Then one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
later, the

figure for that in Brazil increased production of Brazil and it was five

times as much as that of Colombia.

For Vietnam, the figure for coffee

produced in 2011 stood at around

230000 units,
in comparison
with

approximately 10000 in Indonesia.

In the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, a moderate decline

to 22000 was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the output of

Vietnam, whereas that of Indonesia

rose to 11000 units. That figure of

Indonesia
still
unchanged in 2013,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it grew
dramatically
to 28000

units in Vietnam at the same time.
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IELTS essay Global top 4 coffee producing countries from 2011 to 2013 (in 1000 units)

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
170 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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