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Getting clear about what you want Getting clear about where you are now….

Getting clear about what you want Getting clear about where you are now…. 2j5x
Letter to Self Imagine yourself in 12 to 24 months time: Where are you? What are you doing? How do you look? How do you feel? Describe yourself at your ‘peak performance’ (this can be at work, or at study). Then widen your focus to include other aspects of your life (eg family, friends, community). How do these different parts of yourself ‘fit together’. To begin with, one to two years ahead seems it’s just around the corner. From 12 to 24 months time from now, I believe that I would be a very different person from what I am today. I am really excited to see what I will become. In 12 to 24 months, I like to be seen as someone who will excel in my study, passing at least distinction grade on all the courses that I enrolled in. I also expect myself to have broadened my knowledge, I believe my study will provide me with a solid practical and highly quantitative contents which will help me to get a head start over other candidates when I graduated. Furthermore, I will also see myself taking a few of global opportunities, either getting an internship project or work project from different countries. This will provide me the unique opportunity to gain international exposures. I strongly believe spending time overseas can be an invaluable part of my journey. Finally, I would also like to see me making many friends and getting to know a lot of people coming from different background. Expanding international network has always been one of the reasons why I want to do this master degree in the first place. I believe studying abroad can give me the opportunity to connect with people from different cultures so that it can give me perspectives and ideas coming from different way of thinking. Part B: Now take an honest, unfiltered look at your current performance. You may find many things you are happy with, but there may be some things that you aren’t so happy with. What do you look like? How do you feel? How would you characterise your performance? Your priorities? Your commitment? Your motivations? Earlier in the above paragraph I mentioned about studying abroad and how it can impact my view of others who come from different background. However, this current pandemic situation has led to a decrease in my motivation since I can’t experience living there. But as the international student I need to refocus and try to understand the purpose and scope of my study. I also feel that I have not fully committed to this study yet. I believe there is always room for improvement. Furthermore, this is my first time being an international student and also first time studying online. I feel that I have not fully adapt into this situation especially my communication skills. Getting clear about what you need to do…. Finally think about the differences between Part A and Part B. Is your current performance going to deliver the plans you envisioned in Part A? What else could you be doing? How will your Master of Commerce degree contribute to those plans? What personal commitments do you make to ensure your success in your studies? I believe my current performance will not maximize the output of the plan that I have envisioned in Part A. To achieve what I have envisioned in Part A, I need to refocus and do several things. It all begins with setting goals and thinking priorities. I need to think about more than just being a student and think that I am also a person with desires, hopes and dream. Firstly, to significantly improve and broaden my knowledge, I need to stay focused and motivated. I need to have a positive attitude and enthusiasm towards my study. Moreover, as an international student, I need to be able to adjust to this situation and had to get used to this situation thus allowing me to perform above my current performance. Second, UNSW has a wide range of global opportunities that I can actually engage and enroll in. To get that international exposures, I will committed so that I could meet the requirements needed for the enrollment process. I also need to make sure that I have completed all courses requirement and assessable tasks to the satisfactory level required for the available opportunities. Finally, I need to be actively participate in the discussion so that I can get the chance to improve my communication skills and expanding my international network. Signed: …………………………………………. . Date: 02/18/2021
Letter to Self

Imagine yourself in 12 to 24 months
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
: Where are you? What are you doing? How do you look? How do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
yourself at your ‘peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance’
(this can be at work, or at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study)
. Then widen your focus to include other aspects of your life (
The abbreviation "e.g." (= for example) requires two periods.
eg
family, friends, community). How do these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
of yourself ‘fit together’.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one to two years ahead seems it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around the corner. From 12 to 24 months
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I
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believe
that I would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
person from what I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I am
really
excited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what I will become. In 12 to 24 months, I like to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as someone who will excel in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, passing at least distinction grade on all the courses that I enrolled in. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
myself to have broadened my knowledge, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will provide me with a solid practical and
highly
quantitative contents which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over other candidates when I graduated.

Furthermore
, I will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
myself taking a few of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
, either getting an internship project or work project from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries. This will provide me the unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
exposures. I
strongly
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believe
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
overseas can be an invaluable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of my journey.

Finally
, I would
also
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
me making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends and getting to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming from
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different
background. Expanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
network has always been one of the reasons why I want to do this master degree in the
first
place. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
studying abroad can give me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can give me perspectives and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
way of thinking.

Part B:

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
take an honest, unfiltered look at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
. You may find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things you are happy with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that you aren’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy with. What do you look like? How do you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
? How would you
Possible spelling mistake. 'characterise' is British English.
characterise
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
? Your priorities? Your commitment?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Your
motivations?

Earlier in the above paragraph I
Did you mean simply "mentioned studying"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mentioned about studying
abroad and how it can impact my view of others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
pandemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
has led to a decrease in my motivation since I can’t experience living there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to refocus and try to understand the purpose and scope of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that I have not
fully
committed to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
yet
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
there is always room for improvement.

Furthermore
, this is my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
also
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
studying online. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that I have not
fully
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "adapted".
adapt
into this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
especially
my communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
about what you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do….

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Part
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Part
B. Is your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
going to deliver the plans you envisioned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Part
A? What else could you be doing? How will your Master of Commerce degree contribute to those plans? What personal commitments do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to ensure your success in your studies?

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
will not maximize the output of the plan that I have envisioned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Part
A. To achieve what I have envisioned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Part
A, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to refocus and do several things. It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with setting goals and thinking priorities. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
being a
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student
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I am
also
a person with desires, hopes and dream.

Firstly
, to
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and broaden my knowledge, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to stay focused and motivated. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude and enthusiasm towards my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Moreover
, as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be able to adjust to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
and had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
thus
allowing me to perform above my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
performance.

Second,
Possible spelling mistake found.
UNSW
has a wide range of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
that I can actually engage and enroll in. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
exposures, I will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "commit"
committed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements needed for the enrollment process. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that I have completed all courses requirement and assessable tasks to the satisfactory level required for the available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Finally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
actively
Consider using a past participle here: "participated".
participate
in the discussion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and expanding my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
network.

Signed: ………………………………………….
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Date: 02/18/2021
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IELTS essay Getting clear about what you want Getting clear about where you are now….

Essay
  American English
16 paragraphs
759 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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