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The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? 985p
In this day and age, the communication with direct reaction between people is gradually vanished and replacing by the technology tools has drawn a lot of attention from the public. Personally, I thinks this trend has both negative and positive aspects and this essay will discuss both points of views. On the one hand, with the progression of social media which could allow people in different places or even another cultures to have a conversation just through the app. In addition, It could help to erase the distance and make people more closer. For example, a lot of students study abroad could meet and chat with their family by the social media. Unfortunately, the world nowadays is damaged by the covid 19 pandemic and the inhabitants are not able to face-to-face interaction. Therefore, the internet could totally solve this problem. On the other hand, the lack of the live talk with each other could lead to people become colder emotional as well as behaviours. Moreover, many conservations in the social media could be interrupt by the error of network. For instance, we could not display obviously our felling like angry, statify or love about the story that we had with our friends or ralatives through the internet. In a nutshell, I firmly hold the view that the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits that this tendency provides.
In this day and age, the communication with direct reaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
gradually
vanished and replacing by the technology tools has drawn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention from the public.
Personally
, I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "think"
thinks
this trend has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects and this essay will discuss both points of views.

On the one hand, with the progression of social media which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places or even another cultures to have a conversation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
through the app.
In addition
, It could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to erase the distance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students study abroad could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and chat with their family by the social media. Unfortunately, the world nowadays
is damaged
by the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
pandemic and the inhabitants are not able to face-to-face interaction.
Therefore
, the internet could
totally
solve this problem.

On the other hand
, the lack of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
talk with each other could lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become colder emotional
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
conservations
in the social media could be
Consider using a past participle here: "interrupted".
interrupt
by the error of network.
For instance
, we could not display
obviously
our felling like angry,
Possible spelling mistake found.
statify
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
about the story that we had with our friends or
Possible spelling mistake found.
ralatives
through the internet.

In a nutshell, I
firmly
hold the view that the drawbacks pale
in comparison
with the benefits that this tendency provides.
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IELTS essay The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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