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geeting straight after school or studing at college or university better?

geeting straight after school or studing at college or university better? QLRqX
These days, the young often wonders whether they should pursuit a further education or not. While some feel that getting a job straight after graduating from high schools brings about a variety of advantages, I am convinced that it is better if students continue studying at college or university. There are two justifiable reasons why some believe that students can reap the benefits of working straight after school. The first factor is gaining work experience and starting their own business. For example, students can learn how to be on friendly terms with their co-workers and cooperate with their boss, which are valuable interpersonal skills for any job. They, therefore, often easily get a business off the ground. Another perceived ground is to reduce financial burden. Many universities or colleges charge high fees for their courses, and some students whose parents can not support enough money for them to keep on studying because they are poor or in debt. In this case, getting a job straight after school can help them make ends meet and save money. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that it is better to follow a further education. In the first place, there are more prospects of finding splendid jobs if students have a bachelor’s degree or a doctorate one. Over the recent years, a wide range of employers of large companies recruit employees having academic qualifications, so people having the diploma have a higher chance to be recruited compared to those who have fewer or no qualifications. In the second place, having the diploma creates more opportunities to get a promotion and have a stable income. A case in point is that it is easier for people gaining professional qualifications to become a managing director of a global company and can generate more income. To sum up, I believe that students should study at university or college with a view to guaranteeing a steady job, so they can have a well-off life and support for themselves and their future family.
These days, the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wonders whether they
The word 'pursuit' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
should pursuit
a
further
education or not. While
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
some


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
feel
that getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after graduating from high schools brings about a variety of advantages, I
am convinced
that it is better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
continue studying at college or university.

There are two justifiable reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can reap the benefits of working

straight after school. The
first
factor is gaining work experience and starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. For

example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to be on friendly terms with their co-workers and cooperate with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
their


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
boss
, which are valuable interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. They,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a business off the ground. Another perceived ground is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
financial burden.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
universities or colleges charge high fees for their courses, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
whose parents can not support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are poor or in debt.
In this case
, getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after school can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and save money.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that it is better to follow a
further
education. In the
first
place,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
there


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
more prospects of finding splendid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a bachelor’s degree or a doctorate one. Over the recent years, a wide range of employers of large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
recruit employees
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
having


academic qualifications,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having the diploma have a higher chance to
be recruited
compared to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
those
who have fewer or no qualifications. In the second place, having the diploma creates more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion and have a stable income. A case in point is that it is easier for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gaining professional qualifications to become a managing director of a global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and can generate more income.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study at university or college with a view to guaranteeing a

steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can have a well-off life and support for themselves and their future family.

IELTS essay geeting straight after school or studing at college or university better?

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
337 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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