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Do the advantage of bureaucracy outweighs the drawbacks?

Do the advantage of bureaucracy outweighs the drawbacks? r8Gwl
MamadjonovSamandar: This essay will first demonstrate two primary advantages of bureaucracy, namely centralized power and how bureaucracy can lead to supervision on the staff, which are outweighs the main disadvantage which is less freedom to make an important decisions in emergency cases. MamadjonovSamandar: The role of authority in countries' life appears to be important. Below, this essay will explain that centralized power is the biggest advantage of this, and the less freedom to act within a bureaucracy is the primary drawback. It is common knowledge that specific roles and duties are dictated by an authority, allowing people to have defined rules for productivity. To be more lucid, these rules allow managers to supervise production with confidence since each action has been defined, resulting in starting line where everyone has the same chance to succeed. For example, German sociologist Max Weber observed that the advantage of bureaucracy was that it was the most technically proficient form of organization, possessing specialized expertise and certainly unity of the power. Despite this advantage, the disadvantage of this phenomenon is that there is less freedom to act or making independent decisions. This is mainly because, rules and laws govern the actions of a worker within the government. To be more explicit, actions are dictated by what the rules or laws want, meaning that if workers step outside of those rules without permission, they may find themselves facing such consequences as job termination or even imprisonment. For instance, sociologist Laurence Peter states that autonomy of employers within a bureaucracy is certain to be less. In conclusion, centralized power of the country is reckoned to be the main advantage of this, and less autonomy to act is the major drawback.
Possible spelling mistake found.
MamadjonovSamandar
:

This essay will
first
demonstrate two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bureaucracy
,
namely
centralized power and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bureaucracy
can lead to supervision on the staff, which are outweighs the main disadvantage which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions in emergency cases.

Possible spelling mistake found.
MamadjonovSamandar
:

The role of authority in countries' life appears to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Below, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that centralized power is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of this, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
freedom to act within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bureaucracy
is the primary drawback.

It is common knowledge that specific roles and duties
are dictated
by an authority, allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have defined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for productivity. To be more lucid, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
managers to supervise production with confidence since each action has
been defined
, resulting in starting line where everyone has the same chance to succeed.
For example
, German sociologist Max Weber observed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bureaucracy
was that it was the most
technically
proficient form of organization, possessing specialized expertise and
certainly
unity of the power.

Despite this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
, the disadvantage of this phenomenon is that there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
freedom to act or making independent decisions. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and laws govern the actions of a worker within the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. To be more explicit, actions
are dictated
by what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
or laws want, meaning that if workers step
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
without permission, they may find themselves facing such consequences as job termination or even imprisonment.
For instance
, sociologist Laurence Peter states that autonomy of employers within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bureaucracy
is certain to be less.

In conclusion
, centralized power of the country
is reckoned
to be the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of this, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
autonomy to act is the major drawback.

IELTS essay Do the advantage of bureaucracy outweighs the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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