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gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some think that it has positive effect which one you agree with?

gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some think that it has positive effect which one you agree with? VP3BJ
In this fast paced world, for young children gaming is one of the most important way for their physical and mental growth. I totally agree with the statement that it has various positive effect on young children. Many individuals believe that games provide negative effect on children. In some aspects its true because too much of online gaming has effects on individuals eye-sight and their are lot of injuries in physical games which can stay for lifelong. Over the last few years due to study pressure, young children gets less time for their sports and this dramatic change is causing growth issues. Many believe that it is useless to spend time on games because it provide fewer opportunities for future and also results in serious injuries. Apart from these concerns, violence is also a major excuse for the bad influence of gaming on young children. However, their are many positive effects also. Games help young children in various ways, for example- regular gaming helps to release stress, it make a individual to stay physically fit, moreover it makes a personal stay active in his/her busy life and many more. Physical games like- football, hockey, and other help to maintain a great poster which helps to stand out in public. Gaming provide various opportunities for youngsters to make new friends, develop leader ship skills and it teach they how to work in a team with different mindset of people. In conclusion, while there are numerous drawbacks, I believe it provide various opportunities to discover their potential and live a happy life.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
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gaming
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way for their physical and mental growth. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that it has
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various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
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children
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects its true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
too much of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
has effects on individuals eye-sight and
Did you mean "there"?
their
are lot of injuries in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which can stay for lifelong. Over the last few years due to study pressure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
less time for their sports and this dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is causing growth issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that it is useless to spend time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
fewer opportunities for future and
also
results in serious injuries. Apart from these concerns, violence is
also
a major excuse for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gaming
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects
also
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
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various
ways,
for example
- regular
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gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
individual to stay
physically
fit,
moreover
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a personal stay active in his/her busy life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like- football, hockey, and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to maintain a great poster which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to stand out in public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Gaming
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "provides".
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
opportunities for youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, develop leader ship
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and it
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
they how to work in a team with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In conclusion
, while there are numerous drawbacks, I believe it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
opportunities to discover their potential and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life.
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IELTS essay gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some think that it has positive effect which one you agree with?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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