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Gadgets has negative effect or positive on children?

Gadgets has negative effect or positive on children? m9alN
Electronic gadgets brings tremendous change in everyones life. Undoubtedly, it shows more impact on children rather than other age groups. To begin with, it distract the mind of kids from other activities and makes them lazy and unhealthy. Which further leads to serious mental and physical illness. Moreover, children learn hate speeches, watch provocative videos and many more. For example, children get spectacles in early ages, get depressed easily. All this is result of watching screens. On other hand, it has been seen that kids are up to date with today’s modern life. Nowdays, in every business companies use high technology, if children learn from their childhood in letter life they feel confident. Furthermore, they get connected with family and friends through media so that they do not feel isolated. To conclude, it has both negative and positive effects, we can not vanish them totally but yes try to use them in limit.
Electronic gadgets brings tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyones
life.
Undoubtedly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
more impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than other age groups. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
Did you mean "distracts"?
distract
the mind of kids from other activities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy and unhealthy. Which
further
leads to serious mental and physical illness.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn hate speeches,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
provocative videos and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spectacles in early ages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed
easily
. All this is result of watching screens. On other hand, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that kids are up to date with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, in every business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
high technology, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn from their childhood in letter life they feel confident.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected with family and friends through media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not feel isolated.
To conclude
, it has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, we can not vanish them
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
yes try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in limit.
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IELTS essay Gadgets has negative effect or positive on children?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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