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what extend do you think work outside the workplace advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

what extend do you think work outside the workplace advantages outweigh the disadvantages? JqOeE
The internet gives the ability to work from various places. It seems to me, even if, there are a number of advantages, downsides play a more significant role in the economy. People claim that cyberspace made people more flexible to work everywhere and curb wasting time in traffic congestion. Persons can use their time even during travel to check out their emails or even more depending on their job when they do not have access to their workplace. As a matter of fact, during the coronavirus lockdown, numerous businesses could get bankrupt if there were not the internet. In addition, people spend a long time getting to their workstation in big cities which could be saved by working on the network. For instance, in metropolises like Tehran crowd waste a lot of time in subways and traffic jams. However, there are people who believe that workplaces are made in a way to make employees less distorted, more creative, and convenient to work. It is believed that workplaces are more convenient to work because in other places there are a lot of distractions like kids arguing or asking for something which cause losing track of job. Moreover, some careers need their special tools which make the job easier. These tools make office suitable to work on special projects. For example, editors can do their job with their personal computers too. Nevertheless, multiscreen computer with optimized graphic cards rise their ability and comfort. Apart from that, a bunch of people with various ideas work in an office, hence, they are exposed to different ideas which cause more creativity. In particular, in Apple Park, they used glasses instead of walls to increase employee’s exposure to each other which caused bright ideas, innovation, and creativity. As was previously stated, even though, working out of the workplace has benefits like wasting less time for transportation and working everywhere, it has serious drawbacks like distraction and decreasing creativity and job outcome by not offering a suitable workplace. It seems to me that, disadvantages get the upper hand in this scenario.
The internet gives the ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from various places. It seems to me, even if, there are a number of advantages, downsides play a more significant role in the economy.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
claim that cyberspace made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more flexible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
everywhere and curb wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in traffic congestion. Persons can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
even during travel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out their emails or even more depending on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when they do not have access to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. As a matter of fact, during the coronavirus lockdown, numerous businesses could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bankrupt if there were not the internet.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
getting to their workstation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities which could
be saved
by working on the network.
For instance
, in metropolises like Tehran crowd waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in subways and traffic jams.

However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplaces
are made
in a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
employees less distorted, more creative, and convenient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplaces
are more convenient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in other places there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
distractions like kids arguing or asking for something which cause losing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
careers need their special tools which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easier. These tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
office suitable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on special projects.
For example
, editors can do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with their personal computers too.
Nevertheless
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiscreen
computer with optimized graphic cards rise their ability and comfort. Apart from that, a bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in an office,
hence
, they
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which cause more creativity.
In particular
, in Apple Park, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
glasses
instead
of walls to increase employee’s exposure to each other which caused bright
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, innovation, and creativity.

As was previously stated,
even though
, working out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
has benefits like wasting less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for transportation and working everywhere, it has serious drawbacks like distraction and decreasing creativity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
outcome by not offering a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. It seems to me that, disadvantages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the upper hand in this scenario.
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IELTS essay what extend do you think work outside the workplace advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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