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Friends And Family Bring More Happiness Than Money And Possessions. How Far Do You Agree With This Statement?

Friends And Family Bring More Happiness Than Money And Possessions. How Far Qwj7b
Everybody wants to be happy. There often have argument about being wealthy and being possess good close family. The main point is what makes the person happy. Some people believed that only of happy is many and possessions. Some ratio said that just having good family and friends is meaningful. These facts are not wrong but is not completely right. Personally, I believed both of them are main facts of life. On the one hand, friends and family are our close members. They live, work and study together with us. They are always ready to support us when we have difficulties. They share their ideas and give their advice when we need them. As a result, it must be sure that friends and family bring more happiness to us. On the other hand, whoever needs money for their survival for food, for house and other necessities. Also, there have to spare for health issues. Nowadays if you don’t have money you can’t even get a tablet for who you love. So, money and possessions are very necessary for us. We always need them so that we can live better. To sum up, money and possessions make people live easier but lots of money is not. If people work hard for the money so much, they can lose their friends, family, or health. Happiness comes from daily activities with family. It is near everybody but just some can find it.
Everybody wants to be happy. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have argument about being wealthy and being
Consider using a past participle here: "possessed".
possess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The main point is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
of happy is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and possessions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
ratio said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is meaningful. These facts are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is not completely right.
Personally
, I believed both of them are main facts of life.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are our close members. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, work and study together with us. They are always ready to support us when we have difficulties.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and give their advice when we need them.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bring more happiness to us.

On the other hand
, whoever needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their survival for food, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and other necessities.
Also
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spare for health issues. Nowadays if you don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
you can’t even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a tablet for
In a formal text, use "whom", not 'who'.
who
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for us. We always need them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much, they can lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, or health. Happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from daily activities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is near everybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can find it.
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IELTS essay Friends And Family Bring More Happiness Than Money And Possessions. How Far

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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