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Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions.How far do you agree with this statement?

Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions. How far GxNQ
Everyone wants to have fun and there is a lot of debate about making people happy. Happiness is not pretty hard to have. Some people think that happiness can come from friends and family. The others prefer money and property. In my opinion, I think both of them also bring happiness to people: also the close family and friends, also have enough money and possessions. On the one hand, people need money to cover their daily life. They need to pay for accommodation, food, tuition, clothing, and entertainment as well. In addition, the adults also can plan for their children's education or buy a house and car. Moreover, they can spend their money on paying somethings which can make them happy. However, this kind of happiness lasts just a short time. Because just money and assets do not bring total happiness for people. We also need to have family and friends. Rich people often feel lonely if they do not have relatives or friends around, even though they have a lot of money. So it shows us, money only brings temporary joy to each person but family and friends who can always be there and bring joy to us instead of cars or big houses. On the other side of the argument, the poor are often unhappy even though they have a large family. Not only are they unhappy, but they also feel worried about family spending. They will have a lot of stress and this will mean they have an unhappy life. Therefore, the family is an important factor for happiness. However, with their low income, they cannot achieve the happiness they always wanted. In conclusion, I always believe that both family and friends, as well as money and possessions, are important to bring happiness.
Everyone wants to have fun and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debate about making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is not pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The others prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and property. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both of them
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
:
also
the close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cover their daily life. They need to pay for accommodation, food, tuition, clothing, and entertainment
as well
.
In addition
, the adults
also
can plan for their children's education or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and car.
Moreover
, they can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on paying somethings which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy.
However
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
lasts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a short time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and assets do not
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bring
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for
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people
. We
also
need to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel lonely if they do not have relatives or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
around,
even though
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us,
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money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
temporary joy to each person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who can always be there and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
joy to us
instead
of cars or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

On the other side of the argument, the poor are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unhappy
even though
they have a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they unhappy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
feel worried about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
spending. They will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and this will mean they have an unhappy life.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
However
, with their low income, they cannot achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
they always wanted.

In conclusion
, I always believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
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IELTS essay Friends and family bring more happiness than money and possessions. How far

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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