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Free access to the internet for unemployed people

Free access to the internet for unemployed people ewpwJ
Our lives have become more digitalised than ever. Looking for employment is not an exception. It is almost impossible to find a job without the access to the internet. If the government wants to avoid the burden of unemployed people, it should not simply subsidise them, but above all help them to become employees. Therefore, it seems evident that providing unemployed people with a free mobile phone and a free access to the internet would be beneficial. The capacity of the internet to connect people makes it a useful tool to provoke social mobility. Unemployed people are often poor and living among others with the same problems. Their capacity of leaving such environment and finding a job is limited. Developed countries support them financially. However, this support may be counterproductive. The society looks on them as parasiting on the system. Given that they often have their own personal problems (e. g. in family) which led them to the poor situation and they feel the hatred against them from the society, they lose hope. If the goverment provided people with a free access to the internet with job opportunities, these people may be more encouraged to give it a try. This would be beneficial both for them and for the society. It is worth noting, however, that the internet has dark sides. People become increasingly dependent on social media and games trying to get their time. If the government give unemployed people new tools for free time, they can become even less motivated to do something with their situation. Thus, it might be better to give them access to the internet but at the same time decrease the money they receive. This would be better understood also from the point of view of the tax payer.
Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
than ever. Looking for employment is not an exception. It is almost impossible to find a job without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
wants to avoid the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it should not
simply
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
above all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
employees.
Therefore
, it seems evident that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
mobile phone and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet would be beneficial.

The capacity of the internet to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
makes
it a useful tool to provoke social mobility.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
poor and living among others with the same problems. Their capacity of leaving such environment and finding a job
is limited
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Developed countries
support them
financially
.
However
, this support may be counterproductive. The society looks on them as
Possible spelling mistake found.
parasiting
on the system.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal problems (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
in family) which led them to the poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
they feel the hatred against them from the society, they lose hope. If the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet with job opportunities, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be more encouraged to give it a try. This would be beneficial both for them and for the society.

It is worth noting,
however
, that the internet has dark sides.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
increasingly
dependent on social media and games trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their time. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
new tools for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
even less motivated to do something with their situation.
Thus
, it might be better to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time decrease the money they receive. This would be better understood
also
from the point of view of the tax payer.
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IELTS essay Free access to the internet for unemployed people

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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