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Fourteenth global campaign about issues and solution to protect the oceans and under water creatures

Fourteenth global campaign about issues and solution to protect the oceans and under water creatures 06M5B
Oceans, seas, and marine creatures are consequential to humans’ existence. Oceans provide biofuel, medicines, delicious food, and convenient transportation for humans. However, people destroyed the ecosystem and biodiversity in the sea by increasing marine pollution, rising percentage of CO2, fishing in the wrong approaches such as overfishing or poor fishing practices. Although there is a 14th in the United Nations Global Goals for Sustainable Development ‘Life Below Water’ that encourages people to conserve the oceans, seas, and marine creatures for sustainable development, people still do not have enough awareness. First of all, we must start from ourselves to bring back the hearty and wonderful ecosystem to the ocean. On a local level, we can use ocean-friendly products such as recycled toilet tissue, recycled plastic rugs, reusable bottles, etc. Furthermore, we should reduce the major compost of ocean acidification which is carbon dioxide. In our daily routines, we can decrease our carbon footprint by using less energy or electricity such as switching off the lights, planting more trees, using stairs, and reducing food waste. From a wider point of view, the government and organizations about the oceans should cooperate with their work. Therefore, they can establish the protected area and improve the laws about marine creatures. The laws, for example, can end harmful fishing subsidies to help overfishing problems. Moreover, marine life’s homes as coral reefs are vital to the biodiversity under the sea too. In the present, they are being destroyed. We, the humans, can encourage tourists, family, and friends to reduce sedimentation, stop coral mining, and promote sustainability. Besides, these solutions will give us long-term results. On the other hand, if these problems continuously occured, the oceans are damaged, the marine lifes cannot leave. So, humans won’t be able to eat seafood and travel. The laws and organization take time to regulate the tremendous situation. Therefore, it is our responsibility to stimulate the ‘Life Below Water’ campaign to create a beautiful world for marine creatures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Oceans
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seas
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are consequential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
existence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Oceans
provide biofuel, medicines, delicious food, and convenient transportation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the ecosystem and biodiversity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
pollution, rising percentage of CO2, fishing in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
approaches such as overfishing or poor fishing practices. Although there is a 14th in the United Nations Global Goals for Sustainable Development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘Life
Below Water’ that encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to conserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oceans
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seas
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
for sustainable development,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
awareness.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from ourselves to bring back the hearty and wonderful ecosystem to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
. On a local level, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
ocean-friendly products such as recycled toilet tissue, recycled plastic rugs, reusable bottles, etc.
Furthermore
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the major compost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
acidification which is carbon dioxide. In our daily routines, we can decrease our carbon footprint by using less energy or electricity such as switching off the lights, planting more trees, using stairs, and reducing food waste. From a wider point of view, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and organizations about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oceans
should cooperate with their work.
Therefore
, they can establish the protected area and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the laws about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
. The laws,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
harmful fishing subsidies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to overfish" or "overfish".
overfishing
problems.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
homes as coral reefs are vital to the biodiversity under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
too. In the present, they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
. We, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, can encourage tourists, family, and friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
sedimentation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
coral mining, and promote sustainability.
Besides
, these solutions will give us long-term results.

On the other hand
, if these problems
continuously
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oceans
are damaged
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
won’t be able to eat seafood and travel. The laws and organization take time to regulate the tremendous situation.
Therefore
, it is our responsibility to stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘Life
Below Water’ campaign to create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
world for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
.
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IELTS essay Fourteenth global campaign about issues and solution to protect the oceans and under water creatures

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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