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foreign destination or travelling own country

foreign destination or travelling own country lqjRJ
The essay is going to discuss how people will decide between going abroad or travelling to a city in their own country in the future. It generally claims that travelling abroad would become more popular. In order to prove this, pros and cons of each option and what would happen about them in the future will be mentioned. First of all, entering a foreign country has some limitations which are strong barriers. A lot of countries force their male people to participate in military service for a couple of years and they can not exit the country before completing it. However, it seems that the number of governments tending to remove coercion is increasing. Therefore, having a trip in a foreign country would become easier. Secondly, one of the most important things people consider to choose the destination of their journey is the price of travelling. Most of the time, people have to use airplanes for travelling abroad, which is an expensive option. Regarding automobile industry developments, cars will become a more popular option even for foreign destinations. Besides, nowadays using a car for a long route brings you significant fatigue when you arrive at the end of a journey. Recently, we are seeing that self-driving cars are reaching a good level of reliability and different giant corporations in the world are running production lines. Considering the significant demand of this product, it is clear that there would be lots of self-driving cars in the city in the near future. These vehicles make every route much easier for the passengers, so many of us would use them for travelling abroad. In summary, there are plenty of elements affecting how people would choose a trip destination. A number of these factors were briefly analyzed in this essay to tell you why foreign destinations would be more popular in the future.
The essay is going to discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will decide between going abroad or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to a city in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. It
generally
claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad would become more popular. In order to prove this, pros and cons of each option and what would happen about them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will
be mentioned
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, entering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations which are strong barriers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
force their male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in military service for a couple of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they can not exit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
completing it.
However
, it seems that the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
tending to remove coercion is increasing.
Therefore
, having a trip in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would become easier.

Secondly
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider choosing".
consider to choose
the destination of their journey is the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. Most of the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
airplanes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad, which is an expensive option. Regarding automobile industry developments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will become a more popular option even for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
destinations.

Besides
, nowadays using a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for a long route brings you significant fatigue when you arrive at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of a journey. Recently, we are seeing that self-driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are reaching a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
level of reliability and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
giant corporations in the world are running production lines. Considering the significant demand of this product, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there would be lots of self-driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in the city in the near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. These vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
every route much easier for the passengers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad.

In summary, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of elements affecting how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would choose a trip destination. A number of these factors were
briefly
analyzed in this essay to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
destinations would be more popular in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
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IELTS essay foreign destination or travelling own country

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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