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For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? v.8

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 8
The structure of the economy is constantly changing. It was Transformed to industrial one in the previous century and people gained an ability to purchase goods and services needed. An opinion by individual claims that shopping centers have switched their usual operating procedures and this should be considered as substantial disadvantage. Although I believe that alternation of shopping activity might be negative side pros of this process are tremendous. First of all, placing different stores in malls can stimulate business activity and foster economic prosperity of the state. This results from the multiplier effect which is a key point in the development of the country, meaning that any change in the operating process can influence the whole economy. For example, during the Great depression in the USA in 1930-s policy conducted by Franklin Roosevelt called “New deal” was aimed at overcoming recession by attracting unemployed citizens to public works. Eventually these measures encouraged other industries to grow and the same logic could be implied to shopping malls. Thus, society can benefit from saturating shopping centers with a variety of different options. Secondly, individuals can? favor ( benefit)? from spending time in specially designed areas. Sharing our spare moments with the nearest and dearest can improve the well-being and health of the population. In 2010 the survey conducted by the group of British scientists displayed that people who participate in outside activities especially in interactive places such as malls less suffers from ailments. In other words, establishing interactive areas like food courts in shops can enhance physical condition of ones. To conclude, this issue is a rather crucial, society should pay attention to the places where people can relax and interact with each other. The best ones are stores and shopping malls because of their location. Moreover, visiting these places can propel economic progress and the overall wellbeing of the nation.
The structure of the economy is
constantly
changing. It
was Transformed
to industrial one in the previous century and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gained an ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services needed. An opinion by individual claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers have switched their usual operating procedures and this should
be considered
as substantial disadvantage.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
I believe that alternation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activity might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side pros of this process are tremendous.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, placing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stores in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can stimulate business activity and foster economic prosperity of the state. This results from the multiplier effect which is a key point in the development of the country, meaning that any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the operating process can influence the whole economy.
For example
, during the Great depression in the USA in 1930-s policy conducted by Franklin Roosevelt called “New deal”
was aimed
at overcoming recession by attracting unemployed citizens to public works.
Eventually
these measures encouraged other industries to grow and the same logic could
be implied
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
Thus
, society can benefit from saturating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers with a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options.

Secondly
, individuals can?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
favor
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
benefit)?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
spending time in
specially
designed areas. Sharing our spare moments with the nearest and dearest can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the well-being and health of the population. In 2010 the survey conducted by the group of British scientists displayed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who participate in outside activities
especially
in interactive places such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
less suffers from ailments.
In other words
, establishing interactive areas like food courts in shops can enhance physical condition of ones.

To conclude
, this issue is a
rather
crucial, society should pay attention to the places where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can relax and interact with each other. The best ones are stores and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their location.
Moreover
, visiting these places can propel economic progress and the
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of the nation.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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