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For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? v.4

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 4
With the increasing development, we notice that modern schools have integrated computers as an essential part of their teaching process. Even though, computers may lessen the workload on children and prepare them for the modernized world, traditional schooling prove to be efficient. So i strongly believe that it should not be discriminated against, but rather enhanced by using computers. In some underdeveloped countries like Algeria, children are suffering from carrying heavy books that weight overall more than 5KG. Throughout time, this will be detrimental to their health. Therefore, computers in this case will be beneficial. Every pupil will have his personal assigned computer in class, in which he can easily access an electronic version of his books, and the learning process will become more pleasant and guarantee better results. Admittedly, environmentalist will really appreciate the use of computers in schools. This will decrease the use of paper and consequently less trees will be cut down. It should be noted, that a considerable amount of paper from schools is being thrown and not recycled. Nevertheless, computers will, address this issue. For instance, tests should be computer based and essays could be submitted via email and no longer on papers. However, Computer should not overshadow books. Libraries are and will remain a great source of valuable knowledge, and children need to be taught to recognize the worth of books. For Instance, in English literature courses, the teacher should recommend reading novels, book, and not using the internet or computers for reading/writing such assignments. To conclude, I strongly believe that the use of computers in schools should only be a complementary mean to foster better teaching and learning process.
With the increasing development, we notice that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have integrated computers as an essential part of their teaching process.
Even though
, computers may lessen the workload on children and prepare them for the modernized world, traditional schooling prove to be efficient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
believe that it should not
be discriminated
against,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
enhanced by using computers.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underdeveloped countries like Algeria, children are suffering from carrying heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that weight
overall
more than 5KG. Throughout time, this will be detrimental to their health.
Therefore
, computers
in this case
will be beneficial. Every pupil will have his personal assigned computer in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, in which he can
easily
access an electronic version of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, and the learning process will become more pleasant and guarantee better results.

Admittedly
, environmentalist will
really
appreciate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This will decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of paper and
consequently
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun trees is countable.
less
trees will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down. It should
be noted
, that a considerable amount of paper from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
being thrown
and not recycled.
Nevertheless
, computers will, address this issue.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
should be computer based and essays could
be submitted
via email and no longer on papers.

However
, Computer should not overshadow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Libraries are and will remain a great source of valuable knowledge, and children need to
be taught
to recognize the worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
For Instance
, in English literature courses, the teacher should recommend reading novels,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, and not using the internet or computers for reading/writing such assignments.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a complementary mean to foster better teaching and learning process.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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