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first part time job experience

first part time job experience drQ7p
During student time, to able to make money and cover my life that I had to do a lot of part time jobs. There were many people said that ‘’ first impress is always a most important thing ‘’. that’s true. My first part time job was waiter which gave me so many amazing things that I couldn’t believe. About I was received first income, I could buy something I really love by my first income, many experiences I hadn’t been have before. . . , The first few days were really difficult for me, however, because I wanted a better life, I have been attached to it for a long time…. That was just a normal job, but I had a lot of good moments with my co-workers, somehow it helped me learn more about patient and humility. It also helped me to build the background for currently job.
During student
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time
,
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and cover my life that I had to do
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a lot of
part
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time
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jobs
. There were
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many
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people
said that ‘’
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first
impress is always a most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing ‘’.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
’s true. My
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first
part
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time
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job
was waiter which gave me
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amazing things that I couldn’t believe. About I
was received
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first
income, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
by my
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first
income,
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many
experiences I hadn’t been
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
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before
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
The
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first
few days were
really
difficult for me,
however
,
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because
I wanted a better life, I have
been attached
to it for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time…
. That was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moments with my co-workers, somehow it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me learn more about patient and humility. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to build the background for
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay first part time job experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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