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few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. is this a positive or negative trend? v.2

few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. is this a positive or negative trend? v. 2
It is a growing concern that, increasing predominancy of some languages in different parts of the world impacted in partial or complete disappearance of a few other languages. There are both advantages and disadvantages for this trend. However, I tend to believe that, negative impacts outweigh positive effects. First and foremost, languages tightly bound together with the culture and heritage of a country or a region. Hence the disappearance of a language may eventually results in the death of a particular culture which is dangerous for the integrity of different cultures in the world. Secondly, the existence of different languages play a major role in stabilizing the economy of specific country or a region. For example, various traditions and languages attracts tourists from another traditions which boom the local economy and national revenue. To add on, different languages and cultures make the world lively and enjoyable. Indeed, if the world contains same language and same culture, there will not be anything to enjoy in the life and there is no point in travelling to different parts of the world which may have adverse effect on many areas such as business and economy. In contrast, the use of one language or a few language in the whole world helps to ease communication among different nationalities and decrease misunderstandings and fights among different nations. Moreover it may aid in the growth of economy through fast and efficient business. International business for instance, may become more rapid and convenient through effective communication. In conclusion, increase in the use of certain languages may result in the death of less widely spoken languages. Although, there are some benefits when following a unique language, I strongly believe that, disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages.
It is a growing concern that, increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
predominancy
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
impacted in partial or complete disappearance of a few other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. There are both advantages and disadvantages for this trend.
However
, I tend to believe that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts outweigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
tightly
bound together with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and heritage of a country or a region.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the disappearance of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
may
eventually
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
in the death of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the integrity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Secondly
, the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
play a major role in stabilizing the economy of specific country or a region.
For example
, various traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
attracts tourists from another traditions which boom the local economy and national revenue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
lively and enjoyable.
Indeed
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
contains same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, there will not be anything to enjoy in the life and there is no point in travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which may have adverse effect on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas such as business and economy.

In contrast
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
or a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
communication among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nationalities and decrease misunderstandings and fights among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it may aid in the growth of economy through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and efficient business. International business
for instance
, may become more rapid and convenient through effective communication.

In conclusion
, increase in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
may result in the death of less
widely
spoken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits when following a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, I
strongly
believe that, disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. is this a positive or negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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