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A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
In recent years, an increasing voluminous traffic has a serious matter in many centres of cities all over the globe. However, some thinkers believe that discouraging the citizen from driving when they go to schools, companies and grocery stores is the sole way to lessen such a congestion of traffic. But, I personally argue that there are more several effective factors to stop this traffic jam. On the one hand, it is partly true that keeping people from driving their own vehicles is an efficient way to make excessive roads counteract. In the first place, in the short run, many individuals often use their carriages irrespective of distance. So, it the government makes their public living in the main area abstain from their driving, the messy roads would be not deteriorated anymore. What is more, the air pollution can be purified as soon as possible by decreasing emitted gases from various vehicles. Nevertheless, I am firmly of the opinion that there are the other methods to diminish the congestion' condition and I believe that the power of the government is necessary. Firstly, the authorities should stimulate their people and encourage to take the public transportation, by releasing the propaganda constantly. Furthermore, the government cannot help replacing old facilities of transportation with latest equipments, if they authentically want to untangle severe road congestions. It naturally leads to pay attention from the people and they are willing to use the new and up-to-date transportations. So, this results in successful that people are highly likely to use the public transportation rather than driving their own cars. Another point worth mentioning is that during peak time, including weekends or commuting, the government should impose a toll on user who drive their own vehicles for declining traffic jam. It can bring about an efficacious consequence by means of directly relating people' budget, effortlessly preventing the people from driving. In conclusion, there are several means to reduce the traffic jam. But, I am firmly convinced that the government should tackle this issue and take proper countermeasures very following day.
In recent years, an increasing voluminous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
has a serious matter in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
of cities all over the globe.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thinkers believe that discouraging the citizen from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
when they go to schools,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and grocery stores is the sole way to lessen such a congestion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
personally
argue that there are more several effective factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.

On the one hand, it is partly true that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles is an efficient way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
excessive roads counteract. In the
first
place, in the short run,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their carriages irrespective of distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their public living in the main area abstain from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, the messy roads would be not deteriorated anymore.
What is more
, the air pollution can
be purified
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible by decreasing emitted gases from various vehicles.

Nevertheless
, I am
firmly
of the opinion that there are the other methods to diminish the congestion' condition and I believe that the power of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is necessary.
Firstly
, the authorities should stimulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encourage to take the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, by releasing the propaganda
constantly
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
facilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
equipments, if they
authentically
want to untangle severe road congestions. It
naturally
leads to pay attention from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the new and up-to-date
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this results in successful that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars. Another point worth mentioning is that during peak time, including weekends or commuting, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose a toll on user who drive their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles for declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam. It can bring about an efficacious
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "by". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence by
means of
directly
relating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
' budget,
effortlessly
preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from driving.

In conclusion
, there are several means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I am
firmly
convinced that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should tackle this issue and take proper countermeasures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
following day.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A few major languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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