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Favourite toy is the new world

Favourite toy is the new world 0EAVB
QualityWhen I was five years old, I got luxurious gifts from my mother, gifts like trucks, stuffed animals and building blocks to name a few. Toys filled in every part in our house. You could see toys in every colors and shapes in the living room, bedroom, dining room and even outside the compound. At that time, I couldn’t recall which particular toy was my favorite, nor can I remember which toy I disliked the most. The biggest surprise came when my mom bought me my first toy car which was made out of wood and plastic. It was the best day of my life. I was greatly admired by my peers because of the beautiful collection of toys that I had. As such, most of the kids in my community came to my house to play. At that time I was loved and famous …show more content… I wanted to buy items that I needed so that I did not have to put my financial burdens on my friend or anyone else. The need to ask my friend was not a taste that I particularly enjoyed. I never like asking my friend for money because looking at what he has done for me to have me stayed in his apartment without paying him a dime that’s means a lot to me. Looking for entry job without having experience is very difficult. For a while, all of my friends had jobs and I didn’t. That’s because they had a “hook up” in case you don’t know a “hook up” is when a person who has a job gets you one without no problem. That exactly how I gets my first job. I heard about the job from my friend who knew the owner of the company, I went to apply for the opening and to my amazement there was no application or interview asked of me. I was handed a uniform and put to work immediately. Personally, having my first job is a dream comes true but I was greatly disappointed to know that the company will not offered medical insurance for its employee.
Possible spelling mistake found.
QualityWhen
I was five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
luxurious gifts from my mother, gifts like trucks, stuffed animals and building blocks to name a few.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
filled in every part in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. You could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "color"?
colors
and shapes in the living room, bedroom, dining room and even outside the compound. At that time, I couldn’t recall which particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
was my favorite, nor can I remember which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
I disliked the most. The biggest surprise came when my mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
me my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
car which
was made
out of wood and plastic. It was the best day of my life. I was
greatly
admired by my peers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
that I had. As such, most of the kids in my community came to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to play. At that time I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
…
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more content…

I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items that I needed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put my financial burdens on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
or anyone else. The need to ask my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
was not a taste that I
particularly
enjoyed. I never like asking my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
for money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
looking at what he has done for me to have me stayed in his apartment without paying him a dime that’s means a lot to me. Looking for entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without having experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult. For a while, all of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and I didn’t. That’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had a “hook up” in case you don’t know a “hook up” is when a person who has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
you one without no problem. That exactly how I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "get"
gets
my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I heard about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who knew the owner of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, I went to apply for the opening and to my amazement there was no application or interview asked of me. I
was handed
a uniform and put to work immediately.
Personally
, having my
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was
greatly
disappointed to know that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will not
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "offer"
offered
medical insurance for its employee.
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IELTS essay Favourite toy is the new world

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
354 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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