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some people think increasing number of sports facilities can help improve public health but other measures should be more efficient.

some people think increasing number of sports facilities can help improve public health but other measures should be more efficient. nX6nR
Improving public health is one of the major topics nowadays. By increasing the amount of sports facilities will surely help people but this might have a small impact. Other measures like exercise and awareness is also important This essay will discuss both these views and share my opinion. An increasing number of sports centers will help people to play different games which will make them strong and healthy. As some health scientists say that, sports are the best way to improve strength and they will also help with the immune system of your body. There are also some drawbacks of establishing this type of center. Many people nowadays do not have enough time to go to the facility and play games and other sports. In some situations, it might reduce the usage of the facilities. Although, Sports facilities can affect our health improvement highly other measures should also be taken into consideration. By creating health campaigns people can learn abut their health conditions which can help them think about exercises and other ways to improve their health. On the other hand, some videos and clips can also be made on how to exercise and work out at home which can influence more public and create interest in a workout. However, people do not need extra time or a fixed schedule to exercise at home. It can help improve public health significantly. To conclude, In my point of view, In the modern age, people have less time to take care of their health. However, sports facilities will surely help improve public health but alternative measures will be much more effective.
Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the major topics nowadays. By increasing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will
surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
impact.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
measures like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and awareness is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This essay will discuss both these views and share my opinion. An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them strong and healthy. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
scientists say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strength and
they will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
with the immune system of your body. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of establishing this type of center.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to go to the facility and play games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the usage of the facilities.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
facilities can affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvement
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures should
also
be taken
into consideration. By creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
campaigns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to abut"
abut
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
videos and clips can
also
be made
on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and work out at home which can influence more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and create interest in a workout.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need extra time or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
schedule to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at home. It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
significantly
.
To conclude
, In my point of view, In the modern age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less time to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities will
surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
alternative measures will be much more effective.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay some people think increasing number of sports facilities can help improve public health but other measures should be more efficient.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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