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Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies, leads to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies, leads to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. v. 6
For nine to ten months, a woman endures the drastic physiological and psychological changes that pregnancy brings about. Because of this, a woman has the greatest right to decide on whether or not she wants a infant. An ideology exists that because women take full responsibility for decisions about childbearing and as a result, she is also responsible for rearing the youth; however, I believe that this idea is absolutely biased and I consider as much as a Mothership, Fathership must be escalated. Firstly, most decisions about childbearing may be greatly affected by the woman's choice; however, other factors are also considered such as a couple's financial ability to support a minor's growth. Apart from that, parenthood is a shared responsibility. A dad's role is not limited to giving birth but also includes taking care of daily chores while nurturing their small ones. Also, a dady should always be involved in kid-rearing because there are activities that are best suited to be done by a male figure, such as bringing the toddler to a sports event and also teaching him outdoor activities. Besides, women are different in the modern era. More women are breaking the traditional view that they are confined to the four walls of the home as a housewife and becoming working professionals as the men in the family. Therefore, there should be a joint agreement between both parents to divide the tasks. To cite an example, a mother would send the adolescent to school while a father will be in charge of picking up the teenager after class. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is time to abolish the idea of putting the entire baby-rearing work on women. The idea of shared parenthood must be implemented to keep up with the change in family dynamics that occurred over the years.
For nine to ten months, a woman endures the drastic physiological and psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
that pregnancy brings about.
Because of this
, a woman has the greatest right to decide on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
she wants
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
infant. An ideology exists that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
take full responsibility for decisions about childbearing and
as a result
, she is
also
responsible for rearing the youth;
however
, I believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
absolutely
biased and I consider as much as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mothership
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fathership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be escalated
.

Firstly
, most decisions about childbearing may be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the woman's choice;
however
, other factors are
also
considered such as a couple's financial ability to support a minor's growth. Apart from that, parenthood is a shared responsibility. A dad's role is not limited to giving birth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
includes taking care of daily chores while nurturing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ones.
Also
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dady
should always
be involved
in kid-rearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are activities that are best suited to
be done
by a male figure, such as bringing the toddler to a sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and
also
teaching him outdoor activities.

Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in the modern era. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are breaking the traditional view that they
are confined
to the four walls of the home as a housewife and becoming working professionals as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the family.
Therefore
, there should be a joint agreement between both parents to divide the tasks. To cite an example, a mother would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the adolescent to school while a father will be in charge of picking up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that it is time to abolish the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of putting the entire baby-rearing work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of shared parenthood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in family dynamics that occurred over the years.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies, leads to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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