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fast food is not harmful enough to be strictly controlled

fast food is not harmful enough to be strictly controlled BMbQV
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the opinion that whether or not the authorities should ban the fast food industries like the way that drugs, alcohol and tobacco are controlled in society. In my opinion, fast food is not harmful enough to be strictly controlled for the reasons below. Firstly, fast food comes in handy for those who do not have enough time to cook. This is true when these days people have too many things to do at work and spend almost all of their time on those things; therefore, they choose fast food for their main courses in meals. Take Americans as an example, they also have three meals a day with fast food when they cannot cook because they just need to stay at home, click to choose what they want to eat and pay for them. Besides, morden people also can stop by a fast food restaurant to buy dinner on the way back home from their work, which is more convenient than cooking. Secondly, fast food is not dangerous to human health like drugs, alcohol and tobacco. This is because a harmful effect of fast food is just causing obesity; however, those addictive substances can result in not only addiction but also social evils, which can be seen in teenagers. For example, eating too much fast food can make them obese, whereas drug use or addiction might drive users to commit crimes such as raping or killing humans for money. As a result, the authorities do not need to strictly control fast food industries in the same way that drugs, alcohol and tobacco sectors are controlled. In conclusion, I do not accept the opinion that the fast food industry deserves to be as tightly managed as the drugs, alcohol and tobacco industries.
In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has
been placed
on the opinion that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the authorities should ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
like the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
are controlled
in society. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be
strictly
controlled for the reasons below.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in handy for those who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook. This is true when these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to do at work and spend almost all of their time on those things;
therefore
, they choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for their main courses in meals. Take Americans as an example, they
also
have three meals a day with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
when they cannot cook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to stay at home, click to choose what they want to eat and pay for them.
Besides
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
morden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
dinner on the way back home from their work, which is more convenient than cooking.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to human health like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a harmful effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
causing obesity;
however
, those addictive substances can result in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
addiction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
social evils, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
For example
, eating too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
or addiction might drive users to commit crimes such as raping or killing humans for money.
As a result
, the authorities do not need to
strictly
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in the same way
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
sectors
are controlled
.

In conclusion
, I do not accept the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
deserves to be as
tightly
managed as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
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IELTS essay fast food is not harmful enough to be strictly controlled

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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