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Farming is the backbone of every country but nowadays many youngsters hesitate to enter in this profession. Why is this the case and what can be done to avoid it?

It is commonly believed that plantation is essential to many economies. However, the problem is that young people these days no longer want to work in the agricultural industry. This essay will suggest that this phenomenon is a result of a changing attitude of young workers towards their career paths and then submit raising wages in this industry as the most efficient solution. It is obvious that the emergence of new technology nowadays, such as YouTube and Instagram, has shaped how younger generations feel about their future careers. Everyone who can access to the internet can make money online without having to get up early to work at the office in the traditional way. As a consequence, many young people prefer working online to doing traditional farming. My experience is a prime of example of this. About 10 years ago, my father used to own a shrimp farm in Suphanburi province of Thailand, which generated lots of money. However, I did not want to continue my father's business, because I was not accustomed to the natural world and thought that working in the digital world was a faster way to succeed in my career path. As a result, my father decided to cease his business. One of the most viable solutions to this decline in farming jobs among young people is increasing income in the agricultural sector. Since today's young people want to be independent of their parents as early as possible, an amount of income that within the agrarian industry will incentivize younger generations to apply for agricultural jobs. For instance, in 2017 more than a third of people working in the agricultural sector are aged between 16 and 22 due to the previous year's implementation of the government policy to increase salaries for younger generations in the industry. In conclusion, a decrease in the number of young folks working in the agricultural industry has stemmed from the advent of the digital world that has affected their feeling about the said jobs. The most practical solution is raising salaries in the industry.
It is
commonly
believed that plantation is essential to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economies.
However
, the problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days no longer want to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. This essay will suggest that this phenomenon is a result of a changing attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers towards their career paths and then submit raising wages in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
as the most efficient solution.

It is obvious that the emergence of new technology nowadays, such as YouTube and Instagram, has shaped how younger generations feel about their future careers. Everyone who can access to the internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money online without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early to work at the office in the traditional way. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
online to doing traditional farming. My experience is a prime of example of this. About 10 years ago, my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a shrimp farm in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Suphanburi
province of Thailand, which generated lots of money.
However
, I did not want to continue my father's business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was not accustomed to the natural world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the digital world was a faster way to succeed in my career path.
As a result
, my father decided to cease his business.

One of the most viable solutions to this decline in farming jobs among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
increasing income in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
sector. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be independent of their parents as early as possible, an amount of income that within the agrarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
will incentivize younger generations to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
jobs.
For instance
, in 2017 more than a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
sector
are aged
between 16 and 22 due to the previous year's implementation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policy to increase salaries for younger generations in the industry.

In conclusion
, a decrease in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
folks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has stemmed from the advent of the digital world that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their feeling about the said jobs. The most practical solution is raising salaries in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.

IELTS essay Farming is the backbone of every country but nowadays many youngsters hesitate to enter in this profession. Why is this the case and what can be done to avoid it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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