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famous people and money that they get a lot

famous people and money that they get a lot 9w3MW
People who are well-known and famous for everybody, earn a lot of money and their wages are more than other normal occupation’s wages. I almost agree that they get paid more but I think they have some troubles too and because of that drawbacks they get money a lot so I will explain this subject more in this essay. I partly agree with this topic and in my point of view there are lots of jobs that have many inconveniences and difficulties with very low salaries. On the other hand, there are many people who have simple work but if we look their past we realize that they studied hard or work intense in period of time in past and today earn money easily however, some celebrities gain money without any hardness, and merely because of some uncommon and outlandish work they become famous while they are not popular. Meantime, some of them did not try for anything, they earned this money only because of God-given characteristics. And waste their money just for car, house and cloth. On the other side, we can find celebrities who try a lot in the past and attended to some classes and courses to improve his or her talents and abilities such as some actors and actresses, singers, soccer players. Also, they do not have monthly or weekly wages, and they get money for doing some projects. They are not insured and because of this they will not retire at all, and they do not receive a pension. Thus, they do not have job security. To sum up, some celebrities earn reasonable money based on their efforts that in my opinion they are both famous and popular also their salaries are usual and people admire them however, some of them get money solely because of the fame that they gain from weird and marginal work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are well-known and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for everybody, earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and their wages are more than other normal occupation’s wages. I almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles too and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that drawbacks they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this subject more in this essay.

I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this topic and in my point of view there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of jobs that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inconveniences and difficulties with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low salaries.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we look their past we realize that they studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
intense in period of time in past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
easily
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
without any hardness, and
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
uncommon and outlandish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
while they are not popular. Meantime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them did not try for anything, they earned this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of God-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
characteristics. And waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and cloth.

On the other side, we can find celebrities who try a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in the past and attended to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes and courses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
talents and abilities such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actors and actresses, singers, soccer players.
Also
, they do not have monthly or weekly wages, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
projects. They are not insured and
because of this
they will not retire at all, and they do not receive a pension.
Thus
, they do not have job security.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities earn reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
based on their efforts that in my opinion they are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and popular
also
their salaries are usual and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
admire them
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fame that they gain from weird and marginal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay famous people and money that they get a lot

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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